Pochettino gives a 0.01% chance of Tottenham making a transfer window signing

We’ve said it for a while now: chances are Tottenham Hotspur are not going to sign anyone in the transfer window, especially with regards to players actually joining the club. Well, now manager Mauricio Pochettino has put an actual number on the possibility of making a signing: “Now it is 0.01%.”

"It's not easy but we're open. We don't have much time left to sign players. I told you it would be difficult for us, and there's not too many possibilities to sign players.

"I'm happy with the squad. We are happy. In the next four months, we'll wait until May. There's not too much time to bring players from different leagues or England who can adapt to our different style and philosophy. It's always difficult in this market. We're calm, we're happy. We're involved in three competitions, it's up to us to try to finish well and try to achieve our objectives.

"The summer is always the important period to improve your squad. This transfer window is always very, very, very complicated -- it's always difficult to find the right player that can help you.

"Like always, the process doesn't change. We follow the same process as before. If you need to improve some positions in the squad, we have targets, we have players and then it's about many things -- you need to get it all right to sign some players.

This has, without hyperbole, been the most incredibly chill transfer window I can remember, ever, in my time as a Spurs fan. And while it’s crap from a blog traffic standpoint, I won’t lie: I’m perfectly ok with not pulling an all-nighter tonight watching the news feeds and trying to debunk every stupid transfer rumor that falls from the gaping maw of the English football media. That’s exhausting work, man. I’m old, I need my beauty sleep.

On the other hand, 0.01% isn’t nothing. It’s 263 times less likely than spinning any single number on a roulette wheel, but it’s not IMPOSSIBLE. It is, in fact, the opposite of impossible. There is a legitimate non-zero percent chance that Daniel Levy is going to use his Jedi mind tricks and make a huge splash signing that absolutely nobody saw coming. This is Lloyd Christmas territory, but it’s still a possibility.

Ahh dammit, time to go brew some coffee.