clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Tottenham 4-1 Liverpool: Player ratings to the theme of ways to consume coffee

Tokyo Baristas And Art Of Coffee Photo by Christopher Jue/Getty Images

Tottenham Hotspur are tied for second place and are coming off of a fantastic week of football! It’s not every week that your club earns a point at Real Madrid and follows it up with the exact opposite of a European hangover by pounding Liverpool at home.

I’m an unapologetic coffee nerd. I roast my own beans. I grind and brew my morning cup every day. So it shouldn’t surprise you at all that I am full of hot coffee takes.

We’ve done player ratings to the theme of ways to brew coffee before, but we’re taking it a half-step further this time, and discussing the players to the theme of ways to CONSUME coffee. Because let’s face it, my guess is most people buy their coffee and don’t brew it, and it coffee comes in various forms and in various products.

Admit it, this is the best way to drink coffee. It is coffee the way it was meant to be consumed. Wanna put cream in it? Go for it. Sugar? Why not. It’s your coffee. But if you can’t enjoy coffee in its ur-state, then you probably don’t really enjoy coffee to begin with. Just make sure it’s brewed recently, preferably fresh ground, and certainly not out of a can.

Harry Kane: Imagine thinking that Harry Kane isn’t world class. Seven shots, two goals, and he could’ve had more.

Dele Alli: It was super interesting seeing Dele play in a deeper midfield role, something we really haven’t seen him do since his early days at Spurs, and he was dominant. He scored with his only shot, passed the ball well and shut down Coutinho (before eviscerating him on a nutmeg). Wonderful.

Son Heung-Min: This match was made for Sonny’s pace and athleticism, and he torched Liverpool’s back line again and again and again. Scored once, went off the crossbar another time, and missed an easy chance. On another day, he has a first half hat trick.

Christian Eriksen: The stats suggest that Eriksen had an okay match. The stats are wrong. Eriksen again flat-out ran things from midfield and there are only so many things I can say about him before I repeat myself. (I think I’ve said that before too)

If brewed coffee is the pinnacle of coffee consumption, close behind is espresso and espresso-based drinks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a good cappuccino, or latte. Go on, put a syrup in there, too. Go down the Unicorn Frappaccino route and I’ll start to side-eye you, though.

Harry Winks: Winksy just keeps getting better. Spurs didn’t exactly have a robust, physical midfield in place against Liverpool, but Winks low-key put in a fantastic performance, linking the defense to the attack seamlessly. He wasn’t flashy, just very, very, very solid.

Jan Vertonghen: Yet again put in a very solid performance on the left side of the back line, and also helped contain the threat of Mo Salah, easily Liverpool’s best player on the day. Should’ve scored. #GetJanAGoal

Davinson Sanchez: Does everything that’s asked of him, and does it well. It’s seriously impressive how quickly he’s adapted to the pace of the Premier League. Doesn’t have to be ambitious with his passing, but really did a number on Firmino in defense.

The flavor of coffee works incredibly well in desserts and especially in tandem with dairy, which helps to mellow out the acidity. Think about a nice tiramisu, or good quality coffee ice cream. It’s not the same experience as sucking down a hot cup of joe, but in most applications it’s pretty darned delightful, so long as you’re getting desserts made with real coffee and not “coffee flavor.”

Kieran Trippier: Had a nice chip over Lovren that set up Kane’s first goal early in the match, and didn’t look much overawed by the occasion or the opponents.

Toby Alderweireld: Defensively very solid once again. Was used mostly as an outlet to the right to Trippier, but had a number of successful long, cross field passes from deep.

Hugo Lloris: Had some wonderful stops, including one world-class diving save from a Coutinho shot that he managed to push off the crossbar. Still, had one miscue on Salah’s goal where he showed some hesitancy to rush out for a stop. That’s being picky, but it’s worth noting, and it’s the reason he’s not at five stars.

Look, I don’t hate cold-brewed coffee, honest. It’s ok. People like it because it’s smoother and less acidic than a hot brewed cup of coffee, whatever. But it doesn’t have the same depth of character that a properly brewed cup has, and it’s way, WAY overpriced for what it is. It uses more coffee to make it than just brewing it. Plus, most coffee places use it as a way to get rid of all its leftover inventory or tail-ends of bean roasts. It’s hipster marketing garbage, like pumpkin spice lattes. Nitro-bottling it is just an excuse to charge you $1 more per cup.

Serge Aurier: Had perhaps the most difficult defensive assignment in trying to slow down Salah, and for the most part did a good job though he had a couple of inconsistent moments. This seems to be what we’ll get from Aurier at least for now: moments of brilliance tempered with a few miscues.

Moussa Sissoko: His cameo came late in the game when Spurs took their foot off the gas. Sissoko didn’t show anything too amazing, but he didn’t screw up, either. He saw the game off, and was fine.

Compost is good. Who doesn’t love compost? If you hate coffee, this might be your favorite category. Also coffee makes an excellent compost — why throw away those coffee grounds when you can throw them in with your garbage and eventually end up with something that makes your roses grow better? Just don’t try and make coffee out of your compost: it won’t taste very good.

No Tottenham Hotspur players have tried to make coffee out of coffee compost.

Reheating coffee is the worst thing you can possibly do. It’s fine to let coffee cool before drinking; sometimes the flavors in good coffee can open up with a bit of cooling. But I know people who brew one big pot of coffee on Monday morning, and then just reheat it over the course of the next few days. No. Microwaving coffee destroys the good flavor compounds, and microwaving stale coffee is an abomination. Do this and I’ll burn your house down.

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as reheating old coffee in the microwave.

Fernando Llorente, Eric Dier