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Recurrently Generated Football League: Death Migers Town

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It’s the happiest place in England!

Because it’s the international break and we’re bored, the writers of Cartilage Free Captain have been experimenting with machine learning and recurrent neural networks. The Recurrently Generated Football League is an outgrowth of that experimentation: a collection of generated fictional English football club names. The stadiums and SB Nation blogs are also recurrently generated. This is a fictional biography of a fictional football club generated by a computer. For science.


Death Migers Town, on the northeast coast of England, was founded in 1894. The club and town are both named for Arthur Francis Migers and his family. Over the course of the winter and spring prior to the club’s debut season, the town came together to spend a sum of money to make the grounds, which included the complete removal of a massive tulip patch that was re-planted around the ground and is still there today.

The tulip and family badge has evolved over the course of the club’s history, with re-designs coming every twenty years and held as a contest among the children of the supporters. The badge always remains true to the initial message, one of happiness and cheerfulness. The club’s motto, Familiae Unitate et Gloria echoes the same message, meaning Family, Unity, and Honor.

Death Migers Town spent the first two decades in the lower divisions of England, finding sporadic runs of success but only able to reach the fourth division. It wasn’t until 1922 when a young striker named Gareth Bradbury joined the club and led the Tulips to four consecutive titles, moving up to the top division and culminating with a league title in their first season in the Premier League. Bradbury spent 13 seasons at the club, scoring 227 goals. Just a few seasons after his retirement, he took over as manager of the club and guided the Tulips to eight titles in the top division over the course of his 21 years in charge. Bradbury remains the true club legend, with the current stadium being named in his honor upon it’s opening in 1987.

Recent history has been fairly kind to Death Migers Town. After a shock relegation in 1990, the club sold off most of its aging players and invested in a youth system that current ownership wanted to be second to none in the world. The club earned promotion back to the top division in 1992 and, over the course of the next few season where their youth began to integrate into the senior squad, ownership’s gamble paid off with Death Migers Town winning the Premier League three times before the close of the century.

Supporters of the club are some of the friendliest in the league, year in and year out. Their opening chant coming into the stadium is a simple yet fun song with words that strangely work well together, even with “death” in the verses.

“WE DO NOT HATE!

WE DO NOT FROWN!

EVERYTHING IS GREAT!

AT DEATH MIGERS TOWN!”

Currently, they are a club that finds themselves perennially challenging for the Top Four as well as the league title. Their current manager, former Tulips Midfielder Robert Alexander Charles, played for the club in the the 80s and bounced around Europe as both an assistant and a manager. In truth he was simply waiting for his opportunity to come back to the club as the man in charge. He’s currently in his fifth season at the helm, with one Premier League title to his credit.