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Burnley 0-3 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Spurs Christmas Songs

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Deck the halls with Pochettino

Tottenham Hotspur FC v PFC CSKA Moskva - UEFA Champions League Photo by Bryn Lennon/Getty Images

Happy Christmas, everyone!

Tottenham Hotspur played a pretty excellent match against a Burnley side that has been very good at home this season and had gate-crashed the top six. Harry Kane destroyed them, making sure that Christmas would be a good one for Spurs fans everywhere.

This is one of my favorite themes that we’ve done this season, and it’s a group effort, with help from BlasianSays, The Sleeper’s Sleep, Michael Caley, Ben Daniels, and Jake Meador. Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their 3-0 win over Burnley, to the theme of Tottenham Hotspur Christmas Songs.


Harry Kane: Opponents had only scored a TOTAL of three goals at Turf Moor in the Premier League leading up to Saturday’s match. Harry Kane equalled that on his own, and he could’ve had five if he had converted two decent chances. He was magnificent. One more Boxing Day goal to beat Shearer, two to beat Messi.


Dele Alli: It took him becoming a pantomime villain to Burnley fans, but Dele had one of his best games of the season against the Clarets. Had a pretty dumb lunging challenge (that wasn’t as bad as what the fans thought), won a penalty (which he looked for but wasn’t a dive), and spent the whole match being booed. And it looked like he loved every minute of it. Got an assist, played exceptionally well. Welcome back, Dele.

Christian Eriksen: He looked a lot better, didn’t he? Christian looked rejuvenated, pressing, looking for passing options, and quietly making himself the focal point of the offense. Nearly had an excellent assist with a baseline pass to Kane at the near post.

Davinson Sanchez: Essentially imperious at the back for Tottenham. It’s amazing that we missed him this much during his three game suspension, and he’s only 21 years ago. One slight defensive derp near the end when the game was out of reach, but on the whole, he was utterly fantastic.


Jan Vertonghen: Nothing against Eric Dier, but Jan tends to play better when he can play off of either Sanchez or Toby Alderweireld. Against the Clarets, Jan was quietly excellent, not really letting Burnley get anything going in transition or during open play.

Son Heung-Min: A constant threat with his pace and his dribbling. A surprising wayward wide-open shot that he normally buries, otherwise he’d be higher on the list. I am loving the way the integrates with Eriksen, Kane, and Dele in this offense.


Moussa Sissoko: OK, I tweeted mean things about Moussa when he missed (twice) on that breakaway, but in truth it was a really nice stop by Pope. Moussa was capable in the pivot in the first half, but really opened up once Spurs went up two. Had a gorgeous through ball assist to Kane for his second goal, retained the ball well, and had a very nice game.

Hugo Lloris: Barely had to do anything apart from get clattered late in the match for a goal that was (rightfully) called back by Michael Oliver. His distribution is the main story here, as it was much better than what we’ve seen from him the past month.

Serge Aurier: Serge looked more progressive and dangerous against Burnley and very nearly had an assist. Had one pretty awful give-away in midfield that led to Burnley’s best chance of the match, but terrorized Charlie Taylor the entire game.


Eric Dier: Was a solid, stabilizing presence in the center of midfield on his return, but frequently dropped into defense. Nothing especially outstanding, just a nice, solid match.

Ben Davies: A slightly disappointing outing from Davies against Burnley as it felt like he wasn’t doing as much going forward as what he’s shown in the past. Overhit a number of passes from the left flank. Cromulent defensively. He was ok, whatever.

Mousa Dembele: Came in when the game was already pretty much in the bag, and was pretty quiet overall. That’s fine! He didn’t need to be spectacular in this match, and one expects he’ll get more opportunities against Southampton in rotation.


Gotta get the Jewish representation in this ratings theme, even though there were no players that performed this poorly.


No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as us trying to force this joke.


Erik Lamela, Fernando Llorente


  • Hugo Tell It On the Mountain
  • Kane You Hear What I Hear
  • Good King Winkseslas
  • Have Yourself A Dele Little Christmas
  • Oh Come Alli Faithful
  • Eight Days of Janukkah
  • Walker-Peters in a Winter Wonderland
  • Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming
  • Dele, Did You Know?
  • Children, Go Where I Eriksend Thee
  • I’m Dreaming of a Whiteman Christmas
  • It Kane Upon a Midnight Clear
  • Have a Harry Jolly Christmas