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Monday Hoddle of Coffee, Be OK Harry Edition, March 13, 2017

Let’s play “How Would Poche Describe Other Common Injuries?”

Tottenham Hotspur v Millwall - The Emirates FA Cup Quarter-Final Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images

So the annoying thing about an ankle injury like Harry’s is that it’s pretty impossible to say how bad it is until the swelling goes down.

The other annoying thing is that manager Mauricio Pochettino... well, he doesn’t have a great record in terms of “honestly describing player injuries.” This is ultimately fine, of course. He doesn’t have to tell anyone about his players’ status and there’s a case to be made that it’s better to keep people in the dark. But as a fan it is still annoying and you can’t help making jokes about how Pochettino would describe other injuries:

Me: Poche, I have pneumonia and have lost 25 pounds in five days. (This is a true story.)
Poche (to friends): Jake is just feeling a little under the weather.
Me (texting Poche): Dude. I haven’t kept any food down for five days and feel like I’m dying.
Poche: We’re hopeful that he’ll be back to blogging tomorrow.

Me: Poche, I got strep throat on my honeymoon and now it has turned into scarlet fever two weeks later because I didn’t get on any antibiotics when I had strep. I feel like I’m dying again. (This is also a true story.)
Poche (to friends): Jake just has a sore throat. He’s fine.
Me: WAT.

8th Grade Me: Poche, I was learning how to ski for the first time, got onto the ski lift too late, and the ski lift hit my back, knocking me forward, and then hit me in the back of the head and cut my head open while also concussing me. (Yep, also true.)
Poche (calling my parents): Jake has a small headache.
Poche: We gave him some tylenol and expect him to be back to normal within a few hours.
Me: (gives up)

Maybe we’ll hear how Harry is doing today. But probably we won’t. And even if we do... WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT’S ACTUALLY TRUE?

Anyway, let’s play a game of “How would Poche describe the injury?”


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