Wild rumors about Erik Lamela’s injury situation, ranked

Erik Lamela has been injured since October, that much is undeniable. But everything after that is a huge mystery. Perhaps no other injury in recent memory has been scrutinized and hypothesized on as much as Erik Lamela’s hip (discounting, perhaps, Harry Kane’s ankle).

This is doubly so due to how cagy Tottenham Hotspur has been regarding Lamela’s injury and the timeline for his recovery. There are undoubtedly reasons for the club being so quiet, but it’s maddening. Lamela was originally supposed to be out a few weeks. That got extended to a couple of months. The Times recently wrote that Lamela has told his friends he won’t play again this season.

There were setbacks, rumors, intimations. Is it more serious than we thought? Is there something else going on? Is he actually dead? And why haven’t we been told?

The answer: probably not. But let’s have some fun and rank the Lamela rumors on social media anyway.

1. Long-term, slow healing injury, possibly requiring eventual surgery

If we apply Occam’s Razor to this issue, this is the result. Some injuries just take a long time to heal and can be frustrating as hell. It could also be something that probably needs surgery to fix, but either the club or Lamela might be hesitant to undergo the knife.

This scenario sounds a bit like what Kyle Walker went through after suffering a groin injury at the end of 2013-14. The injury never quite healed right and Walker eventually underwent surgery over the summer, which kept him out for almost the first half of the 2014-15 season.

It’s not sexy or exciting, but it’s by far the most logical and likely scenario.

UPDATE: This appears to be the correct answer, according to ACTUAL LIVE TWEETS that just came through. We’ll get another article out shortly.

2. Degenerative hip condition

This is a rumor that has been a slow boil over time, but one that has increased in intensity the longer Lamela has been out. The nature of Lamela’s reported injury has been odd: there have been suggested reports of phantom pain symptoms, and repeated setbacks.

That’s led some to wonder whether Lamela has something very serious that’s wrong with him, perhaps some kind of extremely serious or degenerative condition that could potentially affect his long term playing future. This would be the worst-case scenario, obviously, since a degenerative condition could potentially be a career-ender. Thankfully, there’s really no evidence for it other than armchair diagnoses and panicked mentions on social media.

3. Clinical depression/homesick

Did you guys know that Erik’s dog died? Did you know that his brother was sick? He also misses Argentina and/or Italy and/or Spain for some reason. That’s what this is all about, he’s in mourning and sad about his brother and dog and is clinically depressed thanks to that and the injury and the lack of sunshine in England. Why else would he ask to go see a specialist in Rome about his injury? Mauricio Pochettino even implied he needed time away from the club to get his head straight.

Look at this photo of Lamela posted on Eric Dier’s Instagram stories feed. That’s a man who is seriously reconsidering his life choices. Get the man on some Prozac, stat!

4. Failed drug test

This is by far the most bizarre rumor. It seems to have originated on Reddit and Twitter, and has since incubated into a true conspiracy theory.

It’s true, you guys! He failed a drug test and Spurs, in collaboration with the Premier League, is trying to cover it up, just like West Brom and the league did with Saido Berahino! STAY WOKE!

5. He’s just crap and lazy, m8

Who cares what’s happened to Lamela? He never was any good. Let’s sell him.