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What Would They Do If Football Didn't Exist?

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Football managers would need to have jobs. But which ones?

Julian Finney/Getty Images

I have always been fascinated by the question of what sports managers would do in the absence of their sports. I asked friends and twitter friends what they thought and we came up with the definitive list.

Thanks to everyone who contributed, and you're welcome.

Jurgen Klopp: Cult Leader (mostly benevolent)

Mauricio Pochettino: Cult Leader (non-benevolent)

Antonio Conte: Blood-and-thunder Preacher somehow at the center of Italian national politics without any known official government position

Pep Guardiola: Leading Mixologist who gets very angry if you call him a bartender

Arsene Wenger: Social Worker (@_Zeets)

Jose Mourinho: Lawyer. Just, a lawyer. (@masroorhussnain)

Marc Wilmots: Manager of one of the last 10 remaining Radio Shacks (@paulmobuckets)

Claudio Ranieri: High School Music Teacher, is very happy with his life (@DavidSRudin)

Tim Sherwood: Real Estate Agent, Used Car Salesman, Entrepreneur Who Will Make It Big This Time If He Can Just Get Another Loan From You, Has Contacted You on LinkedIn

Sam Allardyce: Small-time Mob Boss, claims he could run the whole thing (@AaronWGordon)

Rafa Benitez: Builds, paints, sells, and collects model trains (@actionpollock)

Johan Cruyff: Tenured Professor, hasn't published in decades, does sex with everyone

Alan Pardew: Nightclub Owner, does sex with married women exclusively

Andre Villas-Boas: Corporate Management Consultant (@sebastiansings)

Alex Ferguson: First Citizen of the socialist paradise United No-Longer-A-Kingdom

Zinedine Zidane: International Movie Star (@theOGAW)

Michael Laudrup: Billionaire, nobody knows why, never wears shoes (@cover_shadow)

Marcelo Bielsa:  Marcelo Bielsa (@philby1976)

Louis van Gaal:  Pornography Mogul (@unlikelymaths)

Diego Simeone:  Generalissimo of terrifyingly efficient mercenary army

Mark HughesPE Teacher, sad and mostly re-living past glories (@DavidSRudin)

Tony PulisPE Teacher, fucking loves his job

Eddie Howe: Semi-Professional Game of Thrones Blogger

Roy Hodgson:  Local Butcher, weekend Patrick O'Brian Cosplayer

Thomas Tuchel:  Popular Math Professor, Vampire the Masquerade Enthusiast

Jurgen KlinsmannInfomercial Host and Inventor facing multiple patent lawsuits

Bruce Arena:  Cop, too old for this shit, one week away from retirement

Miguel Herrera: Midcard Luchador with working class gimmick (El Fontanero)

Paolo Di Canio:  Very intense Moderator of a, let's say, fringe message board