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Bat Country: Spurs offering Sissoko to Barcelona

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hahahahahaha....oh wait, you’re serious, Daily Star?

Crystal Palace v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images

Bat Country truly knows no boundaries. I’ve said this on so many occasions. Today, I am here to prove just that to you because even I couldn’t come up with as hilarious of an article as this gem from the Daily Star.

According to the wonderfully bat country-filled tabloid, Tottenham Hotspur are trying to offer one gently used Moussa Sissoko to the Spanish giants....among others.

How crazy is this article? Let’s break it down line by line.

Spanish media outlet Dan Balon say Spurs are looking to offload the French flop.

Nothing that we don’t know so far.

It’s suggested that despite his disappointing season in north London, he’s still highly regarded by Europe’s elite.

I think we need a definition on the word elite in this case.

The news that Barca are now in the hunt....

Outstanding! Go on...

...could frustrate rivals Real Madrid.

I...wait...what?

Real were reportedly keen to sign him from Newcastle last summer.

Uh-huh.

Barca aren't the only heavyweights that could sign Sissoko.

Que?

AC Milan are also sniffing around and are backed by wealthy Chinese investors.

I mean...their money is just as good as Barcelona and Real, right?

Let’s back up for a moment, because....wow.

First, that supposed source that they linked to is now off in 404 Not Found land, so whoever wrote the original source probably realized how stupid this sounded and didn’t want to be mocked for it.

Second, we are not selling Moussa Sissoko to Barcelona or Real Madrid. If he ends up at either one of these clubs this summer, I’ll donate $100 to a charity of the commentariat’s choosing. I’ve learned not to make a bet about eating hats or various objects by being on the internet for far too long.

Finally, while AC Milan have a huge injection of cash, I don’t see that happening either. It’s not nearly as hilarious as the links to the two La Liga giants, but that’s still a pretty hot take.

This is more than likely an agent doing whatever work he can to get Sissoko a good deal out of Tottenham. It’s clear he isn’t first choice and everyone probably wants this to happen. An agent linking any information to Barcelona or Real Madrid is to drum up interest in other parties.

So, there you have it: Possibly the battiest of bat country rumors for the upcoming transfer window and we haven’t even finished this season yet.

This is going to be one long summer.