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Thursday Hoddle of Coffee: Deadline Day Edition, August 31, 2017

The dumbest day of the year is here.

Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

The good news is that this incredibly dumb, annoying, stupid summer is almost over.

The bad news is it’s transfer deadline day.

The good news is it looks like Chelsea is going to be extremely dumb and pip us to Ross Barkley.

The bad news is our best viable transfer target going into the day is a 26-year-old winger who we’re going to have to spend probably £50m to sign.

But there’s something to cheer us up. I give you the ultimate Erik Lamela Crown Prince of Shitheads video:

I miss Coco.

Anyway, it’s deadline day. Today will be dumb and almost certainly incredibly disappointing. And we’ll be covering it for you all day because Reasons.

So: Who do you want to see us land today that we might realistically actually sign? If we ended the day with Aurier and Mahrez that would give us a tolerable window, IMO. The Aurier signing is bad for other reasons, but in terms of on-field play he’s the kind of player we need at right back. Get a serviceable rotation play for the attacking band in as well and... it won’t suck. (This is as positive as I’m going to be after the summer we’ve had.)