Good morning Spursland!
No, your eyes do not deceive you- ‘tis really I, Cartilage Free Captain’s erstwhile token Englishman Edward F. Those amongst you with long (and trauma-resistant) memories may recall that I used to occasionally cover the Hoddle back around the time of the AVB/Tim Sherwood eras, and now I’m delighted to announce that I will be taking on the role permanently as a replacement for the excellent Jake Meador (subject to the successful completion of a full and strangely invasive medical at CFC Towers). Our benevolent leader Dustin Menno hasn’t yet confirmed whether I’m allowed to abuse this privilege to inflict my favourite indie tunes of the week upon you all as I used to do back in the good ol’ days, so for the time being you just get the links. Enjoy!
In a salty post-match presser, Ronald Koeman revealed that he had apparently never encountered Jose Mourinho and his incredibly potent troll game before this weekend.
Roy Hodgson has some absurdly regionally-specific comebacks for people who are sceptical of his recent managerial record.
Atleti are about to discover the Costa not being able to strike whilst the iron was hot in the summer window (no, the puns aren’t going to get any better than this).
Over in Spain, Gareth Bale is still doing Gareth Bale things.
And finally... I know Swansea stole a couple of points off us over the weekend, but if you can’t look past that to enjoy this then your heart is literally made of granite.