The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Tuesday, January 2

Hi, everyone!

Looks like the whole world made it into 2018. Welcome! I have only yelled once so far! Here’s why:

Now you see why I yelled. Anyway, to the first ramble I have written in 2018.

Ramble of the Day

It is finally match day again for Tottenham, so this ramble will be about the one and only Harry Kane. The man was known for his hattricks in 2017, and decided to pose with all of those hattrick balls and his Premier League golden boot award. Many of you may have already seen the picture, but I will share it regardless. We must to take a closer look.

Kane’s execution when it comes to Instagram is not nearly as good as his execution on the pitch. Let’s begin with the quality of the photograph; there is a bit of red eye on those eyes of his, which begs the question: Did he take it with a Kodak disposable camera? (I know you can get red eye on smartphones. I just wanted to tell the joke.)

Next, let’s take a peek at Kane’s location. He is sitting next to his fireplace, which seems like a good place to sit, considering it is right in front of what is probably one of many Christmas trees in his house. However, there is a reflection of his face in the glass to his left, and I find it to be a bit unflattering and weird. (That might just be me, though.)

The worst part of the picture, though, must be Kane’s usage of black and white filters. That’s quite a choice — certainly an outdated one in terms of design. It definitely does not enhance the picture. I wonder how exactly he came up with the idea. He most likely did not do it himself. Did he ask a friend? Did he just ask his agent and his agent delegated to someone else? Maybe the agent did it himself. I am curious about the process of players commissioning images like these.

I said that was the worst part of the picture, but it was not the worst part of the post. As you see, that caption is all about his professional accomplishments. Kane’s fiancée noticed a problem.

Looks like Harry Kane is not better than us all at everything.

Let’s get to the links.

Links of the Day

Manchester City confirms that Gabriel Jesus has damaged his medial collateral ligament. The extent of the injury is still unknown.

A father and son were sent off within moments of each other in League Two, as Forest Green Rovers’ Charlie Cooper and father Mark received red cards against Wycombe Wanderers.

José Mourinho’s latest war of words is with Paul Scholes, who he hopes that he will only be “25% as successful as myself” should he become a manager.

Juan Mata is The Guardian’s Footballer of the Year 2017.