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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Wednesday, January 24

Yes, I’m talking about reality television again.

Southampton v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League - St Mary's Stadium Photo by Adam Davy/PA Images via Getty Images

Hi, people!

I’m tired, but I will ramble anyway.

Ramble of the Day

Listening to my older sister talk about the bad kitchen etiquette of people in her office, I remembered Kitchen Nightmares. (Don’t worry, their kitchen etiquette isn’t nearly that bad.) Remember that show? It was great way to fill a Saturday morning without Premier League, and also a great way to kill time.

I guess I’m going to now just list things I remember from the show off the top of my head.

  • One restaurant owner acted like he was a mobster, and he was also obsessed with getting his teeth whitened. (He would give Roberto Firmino a run for his money.)
  • The time that woman screamed at either her son or Gordon Ramsay, “I’m Polish! Mushrooms are important to me!” (For what it’s worth: I support anyone who finds mushrooms important.)
  • The lady who was obsessed with the term “86 it.”
  • The lady who didn’t know what “soup of the day” meant.
  • The time Ramsay insulted a man and then that man’s brother told him that was a compliment in British. (The man then said that if Ramsay did not like his food, he “was going to send him back to British with a black eye.”)
  • The countless number of times Ramsay walked out of the kitchen and cancelled service because there was something wrong with the kitchen.
  • Bonus entry from spinoff Hotel Hell, where — you guessed it — he did the same thing, just for bad hotels: The time he ran into a lady that gave him a business card that said she was a “Wikipedia editor.”

These, I realize, are mostly memories from the U.S. version. I hardly say this, but I enjoyed the American version more. The failures were just more spectacular.

While we’re on the topic, can I just address that it was really gross that Ramsay did not use gloves during his kitchen inspections?

All right, now for those links.

Links of the Day

Transfer news galore: Javier Mascherano will leave Barcelona for Chinese Super League team Hebei Fortune; Chelsea have sent Kenedy on loan to Newcastle for the remainder of the season; Lassana Diarra is now a PSG player; Crystal Palace have picked up center back Jaroslaw Jach from Polish club Zagłebie Lubin; Aaron Lennon has signed with Burnley from Everton

Freddy Adu is on trial with American second division club Las Vegas Lights.

Australian side Brisbane Roar had to apologize to their fans and Umbro after they were knocked out of the AFC Champions League and for taping the numbers that were falling off their jerseys back on with bandages.

David Squires has come out with another cartoon, this one about new Lionesses manager Phil Neville and the Class of ‘92.