The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Wednesday, October 31

Hey, everyone!

Happy Halloween to everyone that wants to celebrate! Here’s hoping the day goes as you’d like it to (whether you celebrate or not).

Ramble of the Day

Some days, my rambles get easy because Tottenham post something on their social channels. That is indeed the case today, as Spurs have a Halloween video for us all to enjoy. Of course, I will now break it all down.

Serge Aurier, Érik Lamela, Kyle Walker-Peters, and Victor Wanyama go on an adventure that takes them first to a treehouse, even though the video is titled “SPURS HAUNTED MANSION.” (Emphasis mine.) I did think that Spurs didn’t know what a mansion was, but I quickly realized that there were pre-mansion activities.

They walk up the treehouse stairs, laughing like this isn’t serious business, but they end up stumbling upon a head in a box of guts and know they have to take this seriously. You can tell in Lamela’s face during the all-important rock-paper-scissors session to determine who sticks their hand in the guts first to find a key. Walker-Peters loses, and it becomes very clear that this is going to be a rough day for him.

Still, they don’t stop laughing. They walk into a room with zombies, and they still think there is not an important mystery that needs solving. At this point, though, they might be laughing as a defense mechanism; they’re also clearly scared, as Lamela throws Walker-Peters in front of him as a shield from the zombies they’re laughing at. Lamela isn’t just interested in Walker-Peters blocking him; he takes an exit when the players are cornered by other zombies, and closes the door before anyone else can get out. Lucky for the rest of them, they make a quick getaway.

Finally, we get closer to said mansion and get to watch Lamela and Aurier embarrass themselves by spilling blood, but not into a designated bucket, after being scared by the zombies they keep laughing at. We don’t know that these dead beings are worth laughing at! Naturally, this segment ends with Lamela and Wanyama celebrating like the soccer players they are after spilling blood in the right place, exuberantly.

We find out that the zombie is “just a misunderstood monster who just wants to be friends.” See? He doesn’t seem so bad. The other players think they’ve punished Walker-Peters by handcuffing him to a zombie, but we eventually find out that the friendly zombie is the key to getting around lasers, finding the final page of the diary, and ending the curse. The lesson to be learned: Don’t judge a zombie by its bloody, ragged cover.

We’re left with one final image, just when we think peace and calm has been restored in random English location.

I’m going to need someone to tell me what this means.

tl;dr: Lessons and questions from a Spurs Halloween.

Links of the Day

Wilfried Zaha said he received racist abuse on social media after winning a penalty in Crystal Palace’s 2-2 draw with Arsenal over the weekend.

FIFA revealed that it was hacked earlier this year.

Chelsea assistant coach Marco Ianni has been fined £6,000 following an incident with José Mourinho.

David Squires pays tribute to Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha in his latest cartoon.

Today’s longer read: Natalie Pirks interviews Wayne Rooney on D.C. United and life in the United States for the BBC