It’s different depending on where you are, but in my neck of America the autumn leaves are juuuuuuust past peak color. And color is what autumn is all about. It’s the time of year when you put away your bright summer clothes and bring out the sweaters, the corduroys, and the more muted, “earthy” color palates. We all know what fall colors mean: earth tones, gamboge and carmine, drawn from the nature’s metamorphosis towards winter.
When deciding what player ratings theme to use for Tottenham Hotspur’s 3-2 win over Wolverhampton Wanderers at Molineux Stadium, I decided to revise an older theme I used a couple of years ago — colors. Specifically, fall colors. Because I love the autumn color scheme, but some colors are better than others.
Like before, I’m turning to the self-described color experts: Pantone. Every season they come out with a series of “fashion color trends” that are supposed to be the hot new colors used by all the most important designers and experts. Honestly, I think it’s a scam, but they do select some nice tones and shades sometimes. So for today’s ratings, I’m ranking the swatches selected for the Pantone New York Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2018 collection.
And I have TAKES.
4.5 stars: Red Pear
What a lovely color. Autumn is a time for darkened shades — less vibrant, with more black added in. A darker red is a shade that most people can pull off. It looks classy without being ostentatious, and it’s also very good as an accent color. The description says it has “luscious depth” and now I both want a pear and feel a little uncomfortable.
Harry Kane: A very good outing from Spurs’ talismanic striker. Kane had eight shots — always an indicator that he’s having a good match. His goal was well taken on the rebound, and nine times out of ten he gets a second, but credit to Patricio for making a spectacular diving save.
Hugo Lloris: It’s not unfair to say that Hugo saved our bacon in this match, making some pretty phenomenal stops at the start of the second half and down the stretch to preserve what could’ve been an embarrassing draw or defeat. For all the stick he’s gotten this season, he’s still an amazing shot-stopper.
4 stars: Russet Orange
Pantone calls this a “forest floor orange” which makes no g—ddamn sense since the only things that orange that you might find in a forest are poisonous mushrooms. They should call it Don’t-Eat-This Orange. Still a lovely color, though — I’d totally wear it.
Erik Lamela: Six goals and two assists in 11 matches since his return from injury. His slick give-and-go goal with Sonny through the legs of Patricio was delightful. I feel like at this point the only reason to sit him is to make sure he stays rested and healthy.
3.5 stars: Lush Meadow
No, this color isn’t in the New York Fashion Week Collection, but for some reason they decided not to include a forest green in their collection of fall colors. That’s ridiculous. You can’t have an autumn color palette without a good forest green, it’s the law. This is one from the 2015 collection, and it’s nice. Meadows aren’t lush in November, but whatever. It’s green.
Son Heung-Min: Didn’t score today, but was good on Saturday against Wolves, working hard as an unexpected substitute after Mousa Dembele went down injured. Seems like he’s fully recovered from his action-packed and emotional summer.
Toby Alderweireld: This was a trap game for Spurs’ defenders, but Juan Foyth sprang most of them. Toby had a little more to do than usual and
Lucas Moura: When you think about Lucas Moura you don’t usually think about powerful headers past the keeper, but that’s what we got on Saturday. Even better was his hands in the air reaction, which made him look like he just hit the high note at the end of a solo in Hamilton. Had one good pass to Kane in the first half but really seemed to fade in the second.
3 stars: Martini Olive
There’s room in a fall color palette for some muted shades, and this would qualify. I don’t hate this color, but it’s a little drab and would need to be combined with something a little brighter as an accent color. It doesn’t especially stand out on its own but work very well as part of an ensemble. Maybe with Don’t-Eat-This Orange, for example. A very good color for a pair of trousers or skirt. However, if the olive in your martini is this color, send it back.
Christian Eriksen: A really understated match from Eriksen. I expected Spurs’ midfield play to improve when he came on for Sonny in the second half and it... didn’t. He wasn’t poor, but he didn’t have the impact that I expected from him.
2 stars: Almond Buff
You need a neutral color in any scheme, if only to make the other colors around it more attractive. There’s nothing wrong with Almond Buff. It’s perfectly fine. But it’s bland as dishwater, and nobody’s going to look in their closet and say “I think I’ll wear beige today.” The description compares it to “baby camels” and the 12-year old in me is giggling about “naked almonds.”
Juan Foyth: It feels harsh to give Foyth a rating this low. He actually played well for much of the game. And yes, we can argue that his first penalty was mostly Trippier’s fault (it was) and that the second one was overly harsh (also true). But the end result is he still gave up two late penalties in a game Spurs should’ve won comfortably, was pushed into midfield for Davinson Sanchez, and I just can’t go any higher. He has good instincts, he will learn from this, and will grow. But this ended up being a bad game.
Harry Winks: I maintain that Winks is good with the ball at his feet, but in this match he was pretty bad both defensively and when he tried to progress the ball forward. He, along with Sissoko, had zero tackles and zero interceptions in this match. That’s bad.
Moussa Sissoko: See above. I feel like I’ve been fair to Sissoko lately, even as there’s a low bar for him to hurdle. Against Wolves he was all effort with very little to actually show for it. We’re probably going to see a Winks-Sissoko midfield against PSV on Tuesday, but I sure hope they do better in the Champions League.
Ben Davies: I’m running out of ways to say “this guy doesn’t belong in our starting XI.” Another poor performance. Hurry back, Danny.
Kieran Trippier: We’ve fully hashed out all the ways that Trippier is awful in Tottenham’s back four that I feel no need to rehash it. This match was just lather-rinse-repeat. The saving grace was that, based on his post-match comments, Mauricio Pochettino finally started to see it too.
1 star: Crocus Petal
So this is actually kind of a pretty color, but what the heck is it doing in a color palette that is supposed to evoke autumn? Crocuses bloom in the spring, not in November. Pantone’s description says “A cultivated and refined hue adds a light and airy spring-like feeling demand.” SO IT’S NOT A FALL COLOR. Anyone who says otherwise should go stick their head in a pile of leaves.
No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as putting Crocus Petal into a listing of autumn color swatches.
Tom Carroll Memorial non-rating
Mousa Dembele, Davinson Sanchez