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Crystal Palace 0-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of bad throws

In honor of Serge Aurier’s new Premier League record...

New York Yankees v Baltimore Orioles Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Tottenham Hotspur went to Selhurst Park and got an important, if a little nervy, win over Crystal Palace on Sunday. But while Harry Kane’s late goal was the main story, one of the sub-stories was the performance of Serge Aurier, who set a Premier League record with three foul throws in a single game.

That got us thinking: what are some other bad throws in the world of sports? With apologies to Serge, who probably is pretty embarrassed by this whole incident, allow us to have a little fun at his expense. Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of “bad throws.”

I love this video. These two guys have absolutely no idea how to throw a frisbee, but they just keep trying. Credit to them for their sticktoitiveness and their ability to create their own reality in a world where frisbees fly horizontal. Be like peacock and fly free, frisbee dudes.

Davinson Sanchez: On a night where Spurs’ two starting center backs were both out injured, Sanchez partnered with Eric Dier in defense and had one of his best matches in a Spurs shirt. He rarely put a foot wrong and apart from the opening ten minutes never gave Palace’s attackers much of a chance to get anything going.

Harry Kane: OK, so he missed a couple of golden chances that normally he buries, but his header was vintage Harry Kane, and he was a constant threat. Plus he tied Didier Drogba’s London derby goal scoring record in just over half the number of games. That’s worth five stars to me.

See, they threw the World Series in exchange for gambling money, right? But they didn’t do a good job of it and got banned from the game. Definitely a bad throw. At least they’re still famous, nearly 100 years after the incident.

Dele Alli: Controversially involved in two penalty shouts, neither of which were given, but his importance to Spurs’ offense is without question. He was very involved against Palace and put in a mature shift, even if he did flop in the Hennessey incident.

Hugo Lloris: Barely involved for much of the match but made three saves and was calm with his distribution.

Eric Dier: Admit it, you were worried when you saw Eric was starting beside Sanchez in central defense on Sunday. We shouldn’t have been. He had one significant goof, but was otherwise solid at the back as evident by Palace’s 0.2 xG for the match.

It kind of boggles my mind that this guy could go through grade school, high school, and college and become a professional basketball player without ONE of his coaches pulling him aside and saying “Um, Markelle, about your free throws...”

Mousa Dembele: Not a dominant performance, but still a pretty good one from Moose. He didn’t progress the ball forward in an incisive way like how we’ve gotten used to seeing, but along with Victor Wanyama he never really Palace get anything going in midfield. Only misplayed six passes, and most of them were forward passes.

Victor Wanyama: Worked hard, cut out several dangerous passes and promising Palace counterattacks, and did well to recover the ball. His passing was maybe a little loose at times, especially his progressive passing, but a pretty solid outing.

Lucas Moura: You can tell Lucas is not quite on the same wavelength as his teammates, which is to be expected, but he was bright and was constantly looking to push forward. He’s not a starter yet, but you can see where this is going.

I have watched this clip about 20 times trying to figure out the cascade of things that must have gone wrong to lead to this throw and I still can’t figure it out.

Erik Lamela: Lamela had a weird, mostly ineffectual match. Started on the left side, where his one-footedness forced him centrally into a packed Palace defense, and he wasn’t the creative outlet that we expect from him. He did better in his last 20 minutes when he was moved to the right flank, and his work in the press and defense were also good.

Christian Eriksen: Bear with me here — the eye test said that Christian had one of his worst matches of the season. The stats say that he set up two big chances for Spurs that weren’t converted, and got the assist for Kane’s goal. If those other two chances are converted, we’re talking about a 4-4.5 star game. There was something off about Eriksen’s match against Palace, but it’s tough to say that he was poor.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but you shouldn’t be anywhere near a pitcher’s mound, so call me maybe.

Serge Aurier: Three foul throws, Serge? Really? That, plus his inexplicable whiff on the goal chance in the second half makes this probably his worst match for Tottenham this year. In his favor, he did win the corner that led to Kane’s goal.

Ben Davies: A complete liability defensively, and Spurs even positioned a winger on his side to help him out. Making this more complicated is the fact that he should’ve earned Spurs a penalty, but this was not a good match.

See it’s an bad throw I know I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m trying to delete it

Wikimedia Commons

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as this throw pillow.

Honestly, what’s better than seeing a Wookie throw out the opening pitch on Star Wars night? Sure, it doesn’t make it to home plate, but YOU try throwing a baseball in a gorilla suit. This is what America is all about. Also note Evil Chirpy’s American cousin standing behind home plate sucking the souls out of everyone watching.

Son Heung-Min