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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Thursday, March 22

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A bit of creative writing for me!

Swansea City v Tottenham Hotspur - The Emirates FA Cup Quarter Final

Hey, people!

I only just realized that I have been posting the Hoddle an hour earlier than usual for some of you because my part of the world did the Daylight Saving thing and others of you have not. I think I fixed it today, but I guess I will find out.

Ramble of the Day

As some of you may have noticed, the Cartilage Free Captain captain Dustin shared a midseason update on the Recurrently Generated Football League yesterday. I also recall that, on one of my very first days writing these Hoddles, someone asked which RGFL team I would pick, a question I have yet to answer. Today, though, the wait is over.

Meet Peepstone Patlife, the three-year-old creation of the CEOs of two Americans embarking on their first joint venture after their wedding. Taylor Peepstone is the head of Peepstone Chocolates, a company that specializes in making low quality chocolates and nepotism. Patlife is a young insurance company created by its CEO Evan Patlife, specializing in bad health insurance plans but does not yet have the reputation for it.

These two lovebirds met in England and wanted to reinvest in the country they found each other in. That resulted in buying all of the land of the southernmost town in mainland England. They renamed the town Peepstone Patlife after a long debate and a potential divorce five weeks into the marriage about which company name went first. The plans for the town included a large airport, textbook gentrification, and Peepstone Patlife Soccer Team. Many expected revolt from the locals. Instead, they were met with enthusiasm.

That is mainly because they got rid of all of the locals and made it a town full of hand-selected residents, done quietly while the rest of the nation and world paid attention to other time-consuming current events. The Peeps, as they are known, started in the lower leagues of English football, where any verbal abuse thrown their way was eventually silenced by the flash on the field. With the money the Peepstone Patlife couple have, they bought all of the has-beens of world football to quickly rise up the ranks. Joe Cole was instrumental in their successive promotions, while Usain Bolt finally got the contract with a football team that he had been so desperately campaigning for.

Currently in a title race in League One, they have finally run into opposition after the couple in charge, co-coaches and sporting directors, have done a genuinely terrible job of squad building. Though they are fretting and weighing who to buy next in order to win the title, they are currently sitting in second with another promotion on the cards. They have garnered plenty of media attention lately, though the couple refuse to grant interviews and are very selective about the members of the press who enter their stadium, where they charge more than any other club in England.

The couple plan on having Neymar as their first Premier League signing when the time is right, and City Football Group-like expansion soon afterward.

tl;dr: I wrote about an RGFL team, and tried to keep it brief.

Links of the Day

Former Chelsea scout Glyn Williams has been accused of racist bullying by a former youth player, who has taken legal action against him.

Manchester United have finally applied for a women’s team.

Reading have sacked manager Jaap Stam after winning only once in the last 18 league matches.

Jordan Pickford will start in goal for England against the Netherlands on Friday.

Usain Bolt will report for his trial with Borussia Dortmund on Friday.

Today’s longer read: a tribute to Brian Clough by Daniel Storey for Football365