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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Tuesday, May 1

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Let’s settle a debate.

Tottenham Hotspur v Watford - Premier League Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images

Hi, people!

Moussa Sissoko apparently loves American soap operas dubbed into French. Anyway, I have a very important question for you all.

Ramble of the Day

The other day, my sisters and I were talking about tattoos. I do not really remember where it began, but we ended up asking this question: What is the worst part of your body, minus any parts we might consider to be private, to have entirely covered in tattoos?

We mostly settled on the fact that tattoos covering an entire leg are rare enough that they do not need to be counted. Special dishonor, of course, goes to Lionel Messi’s lower leg sock.

FC Barcelona v Juventus - UEFA Champions League Quarter Final: Second Leg Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images

With the same reasoning, we also ruled out something like tattoos covering someone’s entire face. The same is for full feet tattoos. The final categories are neck, arm (hand included), chest/upper body, and back.

We all basically settled on tattoo sleeves being the least offensive of these. There are plenty of awful ones, but a lot of the time, you can get past it. They’re common enough that they’ve become normal. Not normal enough to not think it’s weird how Toby Alderweireld loves to post pictures of it before every match, but I will let the guy live. (He really loves his photoshoots, doesn’t he?)

Similarly, we agreed that full neck tattoos are the worst. There is no way to hide it, which is not exactly a problem for those who get them. They seem awfully painful, more so than any of the other options, which I think lowers their value. I also do not find them to be particularly nice looking the way a tattoo sleeve can be.

This is where the debate begins, though. Which one is worse: back tattoos or chest tattoos? In the democracy that is our sisterhood, chest tattoos were ruled worse. I was team chest tattoo, as was my older sister. My younger sister made the good point that back tattoos are easier to ridicule. “They’re something stupid like wings or a [expletive] dragon,” she said. Stephen Ireland, famously easy to mock for certain things, proves her point.

Blackburn Rovers v Manchester City - Premier League Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images

However, chest tattoos are in many ways even less classier. They’re almost always mosaics of random things with very little design to it. They’re harder to ignore, too, and oftentimes end up being very strange. Look at what’s happening on Kieran Trippier’s chest.

Plus, the experience was not so hot.

In case you could not tell in that first image, Trippier’s got a huge diamond smack in the middle of everything else. It is so much more tacky than than Ireland’s tattoo, and Ireland’s tattoo is awful. Of course, these people are not the definition of their practices. However, I think I have made my choice.

tl;dr: Covering certain parts of your body in tattoos is often a bad choice.

Links of the Day

Harry Kane’s ankle still doesn’t feel so good, per Mauricio Pochettino.

The Football League will vote on whether or not matchday programmes should remain mandatory for clubs to provide.

Jürgen Klopp’s long time assistant Zeljko Buvac has left Liverpool.

A series of photos showing Andrés Iniesta in his element, making his way through a crowd of opposing players.

Today’s longer read: Shireen Ahmed on the overlooked saga of women fighting for their right to wear hijabs while playing football for The Guardian