The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Tuesday, May 8

Hello, all!

Here’s a BuzzFeed quiz that will, supposedly, tell us all which one of this year’s Eurovision entries we are. I got Sweden’s “Dance You Off.”

Ramble of the Day

It was only after I published yesterday’s Hoddle that I realized that not all of you might be familiar with Eurovision, so let me attempt to provide a simple explanation. All of the countries in Europe, plus Australia, compete to make it to the Eurovision grand final, which will be Saturday. (There are two semifinal rounds in the days leading up to it.) Once you make it to the final, you have to put on a show of your choosing, and then the audience gets to vote, as does a jury from each nation, and you cannot vote for your own nation. It is all as entertaining as possible in ways that I will detail this week.

Now that I have gotten all of that out of way, here’s the main topic for today’s ramble. Of course, the Eurovision experience involves listening to songs, and one thing I have noticed over the years is that some of these songs do not make a lot of sense. Let me explain, using the music video of Israel’s submission from last year, “I Feel Alive” performed by Imri Ziv, aka IMRI.

I don’t even know where to start with the lyrics of this song. There is absolutely no narrative structure to it whatsoever. Each line is followed by another one that has seemingly little relation to the last one. I will try to explain it, regardless.

This is how he opens:

The secret of my life is never giving up
Now I’m close to you
Walking through the stars brings me to the start
When I won with you

He’s clearly addressing someone he cares about. Maybe there was a struggle to get close to this person, but he got there. A bit confusing of a start, but perhaps he’s getting to a point. Next:

I was waiting way too much for something good to come
And I’m a bit fragile
Was waiting way too much, it’s like an hourglass
And you like trouble

Okay, so he’s clearly building on that struggle. He was too patient, and this could be because this person he’s addressing is troublesome. The trouble bit seems somewhat irrelevant, but maybe he’s getting to his point. Now, to the chorus:

Breaking me to pieces
I wanted you to know that every piece broke from you
Breaking me to pieces
‘Cause every time you come around
I feel alive

...How can this person break you to pieces while making you feel alive? Now I’m confused. That part about this person being troublesome really doesn’t help. Does this Imri guy enjoy being broken to pieces by a troublesome person? Does he enjoy pain?

The rest of the song does not really make things clearer at all. It’s a catchy tune, Imri, but this song makes no sense.

Honorable mentions in the song makes no sense category: 2017 Romania entry “Yodel It!,” which I think is saying that yodeling will help you if you hate your life, and 2015 Israel entry “Golden Boy,” which actually makes sense if you don’t mind the story of a teenager telling his mom he’s going clubbing after a breakup.

tl;dr: Some Eurovision songs just don’t make any sense.

Links of the Day

Paul Lambert may not stick around at Stoke because of a clause in his contract that allows either party to end the deal after relegation.

Fernando Torres might be headed to the Chicago Fire, but as ESPN’s Jeff Carlisle reports, there might be something out of Chicago’s control that will hold up the deal.

Today’s longer read: Samuel Petrequin talks to members of Les Herbiers, the third division side that will face Paris Saint-Germain in today’s Coupe de France final for the Associated Press