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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Wednesday, August 1

Hollywood, baby.

AFC Bournemouth v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images

Hey, people!

Preseason tours end so quickly, don’t they?

Ramble of the Day

With Tottenham’s preseason tour officially complete, it is time to reflect on the team’s latest trip to the United States and think about how the team really tried to embrace the Hollywood thing while in Southern California.

While the buildup to Spurs’ first match against AS Roma saw the players have a little bit of fun on the beach, but the match against FC Barcelona saw the team take a different strategy to embracing the California lifestyle. Perhaps it was the photographer they had around or something else entirely, but whoever was in charge of photographically documenting the buildup to the match against Barcelona and the match itself was basically pretending to be a cinematographer. Take this picture of Christian Eriksen as a first example.

The apparent lighting, for starters, is wonderful for a locker room, though it is most likely something manufactured after the photo was taken. It does look like there was a light crew there, though, much like there would be on a film set.

The actual angle of the shot, too, gives off a similar vibe, as if it was all staged perfectly. The towels on the chairs are in the right places; the water bottles, some full, others empty, all look like they belong. The coloring of the shot is simple and without random elements. It looks like a first look at a highly anticipated smaller-budget prestige project, or stills from a Gatorade commercial.

There’s a similar concept here. It all looks so important, as if something important rests on this match. A trophy, maybe; perhaps it is just a very important day for one of our protagonists. Looking at these pictures without any of the context, you would not be able to guess that this was an inconsequential preseason friendly.

Actually, maybe it’s a documentary. One that has documentary enthusiasts excited, of course, and is hoping to get some critical acclaim.

Even the more lighthearted moments carry some assumed significance. The shot of Mauricio Pochettino, in particular, looks like it’s out of an incredibly stylish sports film. Or maybe it’s him modeling his accessories, as his chain, ring, and watch are naturally placed perfectly for the photographer.

Either way, the movie they’re trying to sell looks pretty, but also boring. All of us would watch a Tottenham Hotspur movie, anyway.

tl;dr: Tottenham goes Hollywood.

Links of the Day

The FA has decided to hand yellow and red cards to coaches in certain competitions, though the Premier League will not be one of them.

Andreas Heraf has resigned as the head coach of the New Zealand women’s team after 13 players signed a letter declaring that they would not play for him and accusing him of bullying.

Transfer roundup: Atlético Madrid have signed Santiago Arias from PSV, and have sent Šime Vrsaljko to Inter on loan; Manchester City have signed Philippe Sandler from PEC Zwolle

Today’s longer read: Mike Henson on the football magazines for teenagers that were incredibly popular in pre-internet England for The Guardian