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Tottenham wins 2018 International Champions Cup

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There actually is an ICC trophy, too!

ICC Singapore - FC Internazionale v Chelsea FC Photo by Thananuwat Srirasant/Getty Images for ICC

Start planning the parade! Make room in the trophy case! TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR HAVE WON SILVERWARE! Spurs finished the preseason top on points and goal differential in the 2018 International Champions Cup and hence have won the (extremely prestigious) tournament.

Tottenham ended their three match run with two wins — a 4-1 win over Roma and a 1-0 win over AC Milan — and a draw vs. Barcelona. Yes, Barca “won” the match on a penalty shootout but both teams were still awarded a point for a draw because reasons, IDK.

Inter Milan was the only other team that could’ve caught Spurs’ goal differential of +4 but they needed a big win over Atletico Madrid last night and only managed a 1-0 win.

Look, you can SAY that this is a stupid preseason tournament that featured mostly B-C teams that nobody took seriously and is really just a stupid cash grab to milk fans out of hard-earned money before the league season even starts. And I can say “Screw you buddy, see that big shiny thing, that’s a trophy and it’s ours, it counts, where’s Liverpool or Chelsea on that table, god.”

Also, congratulations to Arsenal who finally made it back to fourth place.

THE QUINTUPLE IS STILL ON THE TABLE, Y’ALL. WE’RE BRINGING THEM ALL HOME. COYS!