We’re four days away from the close of the transfer window, and nope — Tottenham Hotspur still haven’t made any signings, nor does it look like they’re especially close to doing so. What’s a fan to do?
This post is a response to a tweet I received this afternoon from a fellow Spurs fan adrift in a sea of angst and existential dread with mere days until the transfer window slams shut Premier League season starts.
Please write a guide about how Spurs fans should approach this week emotionally and how we can prepare ourselves for a deadline without signings please and thank you.— Max Berger (@maxberger) August 5, 2018
I’m glad you asked! The answer is obvious: bourbon.
Here are four of my choices for Transfer Deadline Day bourbons, all of which are tasty, most of which are affordable, and all of which can get you completely blotto if you so desire, or at least make you feel a little more numb to the pain. And trust me, drinking bourbon is a fun exercise in and of itself, and much better for your mental health than hitting “refresh” on NewsNow six times a minute for the next four days.
W.L. Weller 12-year
So you say you like Pappy Van Winkle? You liar, you’ve never had it. But you CAN (probably) have Pappy’s less-expensive sibling, Weller 12. Some bourbon-heads call it “Baby Pappy” because it’s excellent and inexpensive (about $28/bottle) but just not quiiiiiiiiite to the level of the really good stuff. It also, ironically, makes it also difficult to find in some areas. (I have to call ahead). Just the stuff to pour as a celebration dram when Spurs finally land Grealish at 4:35 p.m. this Thursday.
Wild Turkey Longbranch
Yes, this is the Matthew McConaughey bourbon, developed in his role as “creative director” of the Wild Turkey brand and combining elements of McConaughey’s Texas roots and the Wild Turkey homeland of Kentucky. And you know what? It’s a really solid sipper. It’s wheated, so it goes down smooth, and is a little lower on the proof so it doesn’t need cutting with water. At $38/bottle it has a bit of a “McConaughey premium” but I would classify it as an excellent starter bourbon for someone who hasn’t gotten too deep into the brown liquor weeds. A very good dram, and really makes you contemplate how Daniel Levy can perceive time as a flat circle.
Wanna go a little more expensive? Convinced that you’re ready to celebrate seeing Mateo Kovacic holding a Tottenham shirt? Oh, you sweet summer child, but ok, I have just the thing. Angel’s Envy is without reservation one of the best bourbons I’ve had. At $55/bottle it’s on the upper end of the commonly-available bourbons, but if you’re ready to splurge it’s worth it. The wheat and the rye balance each other very well in this bourbon. Lots of caramel and vanilla in the body, and it’s aged in port barrels which gives it a really pleasing complexity.
Evan Williams Black Label
But Menno, I like my transfer window libations chugged directly from the bottle! A true Tottenham fan, then! There are plenty of cheap bourbons that you can down quickly in the hours before the window closes, but if you want one that is actually GOOD and doesn’t taste like it would take the paint off your walls, Evan Williams Black Label is the way to go. It’s my go-to “house bourbon” for when I either want to make a decent cocktail, add it to cooking, or just mix it with coke. And for all that, it’s also a pretty nice sipping bourbon, too. At $11/bottle, you can afford several. And you might need them!