The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Wednesday, September 5

Hey, everyone!

This is likely the first and last time I tell you about a dream I had (I mean nightmare) because I usually find sharing dreams to be a bit uninteresting, but it was football related.

Ramble of the Day

Several weeks ago, I had a dream — or a nightmare — that I was in a locker room. I was sitting in there with some people I have never met before and some people who play in Major League Soccer, listening to instructions from Jesse Marsch, currently an assistant coach at RB Leipzig but formerly the New York Red Bulls head coach. Then I realized that the instructions were for me, and that I was about to play in the MLS Cup final as a defensive midfielder.

Now, I never really played football when I was young outside of gym class, and I never, ever played defensive mid. No wonder one of the players on the bench was giving me a look of contempt; I had not earned my starting spot. Naturally, I was freaking out in the dream because I had not actually played a game of football in several years, and was now being asked to play in an important professional match. I kept thinking to myself, Jesse Marsch is going to find out that I am a bad player in THE MLS CUP FINAL. I’m probably going to have one of the most embarrassing performances in a sporting match ever. Does he know I’m not a footballer?

The feeling of dread was hard to ignore, and it was only getting worse as we began lining up in the tunnel, and I finally started wondering what I wasn’t doing in a press box.

Then I woke up. I have no idea how that match went, or how I performed. All I know is that I woke up feeling the dread and eventual embarrassment, as if the dream was real life, and felt it for a minute or two. That happens to me frequently; I live with the feelings of certain dreams — or nightmares — for a few minutes and then am able to move on with my day.

That said, I am very glad I did not find out how bad a footballer I probably am in that dream (and in real life). The shame may have lasted longer than the few minutes I usually suffer for, and it might be unlike any other shame I’ve felt.

tl;dr: I had a nightmare that I was forced into being a footballer.

Links of the Day

Scotland, Germany, Norway, and Sweden have all qualified for next year’s Women’s World Cup. This will be the first appearance for the Scottish team at the tournament.

Top European coaches have asked UEFA to review the away goals rule, arguing that scoring goals away from home is no longer as difficult as it used to be.

The Denmark men’s national team has assembled a squad of lower league and amateur players while their usual group misses out in a dispute over image rights.

José Pékerman has left his job coaching the Colombia men’s team after six years in charge.

David Squires recaps the beginning of the Premier League season in his latest cartoon.

Today’s longer read: Donald McRae interviews Steve Sidwell on the challenges of being a professional footballer and his transition into coaching for The Guardian