Daniel Levy’s Imaginary (Managerial) Shortlist: Ryan Mason

So, look, I know that Ryan Mason and I haven’t always gotten along, but I’m 100% certain that Ryan Mason could be the next manager of Tottenham Hotspur. I am only certain of this because the club does not appear to have a plan in place for who will take charge of the West Ham match this weekend and Ryan Mason seems like the only person (sorry, John McDermott) who is ready to be put in charge of the first team. In fact, he’s apparently been put in charge of first team training already.

If nothing else, Ryan Mason is not Jose Mourinho and that is a huge point in his favor.

The Basics

Name: Ryan Glen Mason

Age: 28

Team: Tottenham Hotspur U-18s...I think?

Nationality: English

The Specifics

Trophies:

• Well, look, Pochettino never won anything either.

Tactics: Literally no idea. I imagine Mason’s tactics are all about hustle, bustle, and trying hard. It’s probably a very fluid system that encourages players to be everywhere and buzz around constantly without any regard for tracking runners or defensive shape.

I’m also confident that Mason’s tactics rely heavily on English-ness, which is particularly good news for players like Eric Dier, Ryan Sessegnon, and the rest of Tottenham Hotspur’s English contingent.

Strengths: Ryan Mason’s strengths are two-fold. First, Ryan Mason is not Mauricio Pochettino. This is a strength because the players at Tottenham Hotspur Football Club do not like Mauricio Pochettino. Ryan Mason is definitely a different person from Pochettino, so this is a good start. Second, Ryan Mason is also not Jose Mourinho. This is a strength because the fans of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club do not like Jose Mourinho. His not Mourinho-ness is definitely a trait that Spurs should be looking for in a manager and while folks like Massimiliano Allegri have a similar level of not Mourinho-ity, Mason’s is equally as high as any other candidate’s.

I guess if we have to be serious his strengths are...youth development? I don’t know. Maybe passion? Playing for the shirt? Oh! Mason is young. He’s got lots of potential. Sure, he’s younger than some of the players he’s managing and has no significant coaching experience, but the potential! Think of it! What if we have like an exponential growth sort of thing? Four wins this season with Mason in charge. Then sixteen in his second season in charge, then...I’m not good at math, but I’m pretty sure it would be a lot of wins.

Weaknesses: I know that you think I should write that Ryan Mason’s main weakness as a manager is that he’s not actually a manager, but I think you’ll find that not actually being a manager has worked out pretty well for a lot of managers (see, e.g. Sherwood, Timothy Alan). So, while inexperience may not exactly be something that’s in the “pro” column for Mason, it shouldn’t be in the “con” column either. Based on Mason’s track record, of which there is none, I can confidently say that he has no evident weaknesses and that, as such, he would be a magnificent hire.

The Verdict

Likelihood of Being Hired: If what Daniel Levy cares about is passion and love for Tottenham Hotspur, then 100%. Also, if Daniel Levy would like someone who would manage the team on the cheap and almost definitely not get them relegated, then again, 100%. There’s literally no downside to this people.

Grade if Mourinho is Hired: A++++++

You guys thought Sherwood was fun, well think how much fun the Ryan Mason era will be. If nothing else it will be fun because it is not the Jose Mourinho era, which will suck, even if it will mean we win the FA Cup. Now, admittedly, Mason will almost certainly never say anything as interesting as Sherwood and he probably won’t play Serge Aurier as a number 10 against Manchester City, but if you’re just looking for an agent of chaos to come in and manage the club, why turn to Mourinho when you have the perfect candidate in-house.