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Where in the world is Joao Sacramento?

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Sing it with us!

Tottenham Hotspur v Olympiacos FC: Group B - UEFA Champions League Photo by Visionhaus

Tottenham Hotspur have a new manager, and with it comes new assistant coaches. One of those is Joao Sacramento, Jose Mourinho’s chief deputy, whom he hired from a similar role at Lille in Ligue 1.

There’s an interesting piece in the Athletic about Sacramento, who seems very similar in profile to other coaches who have served under Mourinho, including Raul Faria and Andre Villas-Boas — he’s young, a tactics prodigy with a strong work ethic, and has never actually played the game professionally.

But that’s not why we’re here today. He also has what is quite possibly the best name in football.

HIT IT, ROCKAPELLA. †


Doooo-wop, deh-doo-deh doooo-wop, deh-doo-deh doooo-wop, deh-doo-deh doooo-wop... bowwwwww....

Well he’s coached around the world, from Monaco to Cardiff
Folks think he’s from California ‘cause he’s got a funny name
He has plied his trade in France, but now makes England his new target
Tell me where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

He got poached post-Pochettino, leaving Lille for something bigger
Since he’s joined up with Mourinho, Chelsea’s singing the blues
He can make the Son shine bright, fill Vertonghen with new vigor
Tell me where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

He’s been from Greece to Glamorgan, Paris to Portugal,
London to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch...

...
… and back!

He gets hungrier for trophies when his boss holds up four fingers
He’ll get fresh cuts from the Dele, with some Moussa on the side
He’ll surprise us with his tactics, making fans shout out GAZINGA!
Tell me where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

Oh tell me where in the world?
Oh tell me where can he be?

He’s coached with Robson, Ranieri, Campos and Gary Speed,
Jardim and Galtier, Bielsa wo-woo-hoooooo…!

Well he filled the vacuum left behind when Jesus had got fired
He will try to hurry Kane to take the league by storm
He brought in Eric from the cold to make the midfield much less dire
Tell me where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

Where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

Where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?

Where... in the world... is... Joao Sacramento?


† — No, your memory isn’t faulty, this isn’t the first time we’ve done this. Full credit to Ben Daniels who first raided 1990s kids game show popular culture for a Tottenham Hotspur parody back in 2013.