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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Tuesday, November 5

The mystery of the Mario Kart competition

Crystal Palace Women v Tottenham Hotspur Women - FA Women’s Continental League Cup Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC/Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

Hi, everyone!

I forgot to share the sad songs playlist we made last month yesterday, so in case you want it, here it is. In the meantime, above is a picture of Chloe Peplow during the women’s team’s 3-0 cup win over Crystal Palace. The midfielder is new to the club this season, and is an England youth international.

Ramble of the Day

In the fall of 2015, things were going not so badly for Tottenham Hotspur’s men’s team. The team was seventh place in the Premier League table, not realizing a title chase was ahead of it. Regardless, there was a level of comfort for all to enjoy. There was also a Mario Kart competition.

It started with Ryan Mason beating Nacer Chadli. Along the way, Dele beat Eric Dier; Kevin Wimmer beat Son Heung-min; and Jan Vertonghen beat Danny Rose. There was a lot of banter — the Dele-Dier encounter bringing the most, naturally. There was frustration, as Son couldn’t find a way to better Wimmer. There was also focus, as Rose and Vertonghen concentrated heavily on a most important competition their careers will ever see.

Spring came, and so did the semifinals. Before Dele took on Mason, a question had to be asked: How much time did the graphics department spend on this project? It seemed like they had some fun with it, which was matched by the fun I had watching it. A tough semifinal was won by Dele, who proclaimed that he’d beat the winner of the Wimmer-Vertonghen semifinal while watching the encounter. It was Vertonghen who eventually won out, with a juicy encounter set for the final. At the end of the second semifinal video, there was a proclamation:

By the time the semifinal made its way onto YouTube, Spurs were out of the Europa League but were in the thick of a title race. The team stayed in second place, but a string of inconsistent results meant the title wasn’t to be, nor was a second place finish. Apparently, it also meant we would not find out who wins, large white font be damned.

For more than three years, there’s been a mystery at Tottenham, and no one’s bothered to find out. Did they shoot the final, but never release it because the team’s form dipped? Did they never even shoot it at all because of that form, meaning either the players weren’t allowed to or they didn’t want to? Did the production run out of resources?

If it was a case of the bad form meaning an audience wouldn’t enjoy it, what a shame that would be. I wish those making entertaining content wouldn’t be at the mercy of the team’s form; fun can exist while times are bad, after all. Truly, hard work should be around for all to see, be it the hard work of the production crew to the hard work of Vertonghen and Dele.

I do hope that one day, we may get this answer. It has been long enough. The truth must be revealed, and for all to see.

tl;dr: Who won the Spurs Mario Kart competition from 2015-16?

Links of the Day

The Australian men’s and women’s national teams will earn equal pay from Football Federation Australia under a new deal.

Leeds’s Kiko Casilla has been charged with racially abusing Charlton’s Jonathan Leko by the FA.

Cardiff could receive a ban lasting three transfer windows if the club doesn’t pay Emiliano Sala’s transfer fee to Nantes.

Sassuolo’s Francesco Magnelli and Parma’s Matteo Scozzarella have each been handed one match bans for blasphemy.

Today’s longer read: Suzanne Wrack interviews West Ham’s Kenza Dali on sharing her mother’s breast cancer battle for the first time and moving from France to England for The Guardian