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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Tuesday, December 24

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Inquiries from children

Tottenham Hotspur v Chelsea FC - Premier League Photo by Visionhaus

Hi, everyone!

I’m sitting down for another Netflix Christmas film — but first, the Hoddle.

Ramble of the Day

We need to talk about this video.

It all starts off so innocently with a bunch of children excited not just to meet their favorite footballers, but to ask them questions in an Audi around the training ground (and depending on the type of car, being a little rude to the environment). These kids, though, are brave inquirers, and hold nothing back; I appreciate it immensely.

  • The first question we see is from the youngster paired with Lucas Moura, and he has a very important one: Who would win in a fight between Moussa Sissoko and Victor Wanyama? Lucas picks Wanyama, a follow-up to Tanguy Ndombele’s belief that Wanyama could win I’m a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!
  • The kid with Jan Vertonghen asks him who his scariest teammate is, and I’m not surprised he answered with Érik Lamela. Never forget “hahah tomorrow I kill you.”
  • Eric Dier is asked who he has the worst relationship with at Tottenham, which he doesn’t answer. The kid he’s paired with clearly will not hold back, and look! We’ve made it to the best question:
  • Not to be left behind is the child with Lucas Moura:

The answers to the above questions almost don’t matter (though if you want to know, Lucas said he cried), though I do hope the kids got what they were looking for. It’s not always true, but in this case, those asking the questions have been the ones stealing the spotlight.

  • The child paired with Dier asked if José Mourinho’s going to be grumpy this season. See what I mean about the questions taking the spotlight? Dier says, “of course not,” and I have to ask: How can he be so certain? (I know, it’s the kids asking the questions, not me.)
  • Again, the child with Lucas is competing for best inquirer, wondering what one buys a manager for Christmas. Lucas has no clue; I guess he hasn’t done it before.
  • Dier is asked if he supports Tottenham. This is an easy answer: yes (because he plays for the team). He assumes the kid’s implication, and basically walks himself into saying that he supported a different team growing up even though that wasn’t the question. Maybe it means Dier’s a good interview because he tells you more than you ask, or maybe it means that the kid is good at asking questions. Maybe it’s both. Regardless, I respect this child.
  • Josie Green was a funny kid: she had several pets and named them all Nigel.
  • The child with Lucas strikes again, asking if Dier needs cuddles on the bench. Lucas doesn’t answer.
  • The kid with Vertonghen isn’t so bad herself, gets him to admit that he should practice scoring goals more. Then again, scoring goals is his favorite subject, isn’t it?
  • The child paired with Kyle Walker-Peters saved his dagger for later in the session, another skilled technique. (Then the kid asks for an Instagram follow. Hope Walker-Peters did.)

That ends today’s journalism masterclass.

tl;dr: Spurs did a good job finding kids to ask the players some very interesting questions.

Links of the Day

Salzburg’s Patrick Farkas suffered a stroke during training in October. He has since returned to training.

Hansi Flick will stay the Bayern Munich manager until the end of the season.

Perry Groves has apologized for saying Mat Ryan had “a holocaust of a game” on talkSport radio after Brighton’s weekend loss to Sheffield United.

Today’s longer read: John Duerden interviews American coach Afshin Ghotbi on coaching in six countries and at two World Cups and the sport’s inherent link to current events for The Guardian