The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Wednesday, April 3

Hi, everyone!

I’d like to congratulate Mike Dean on doing the double of handing out the 100th red card of his career and his 100th yellow card of the season on the same day. It’s a huge achievement.

Ramble of the Day

I realized a couple of days ago that I hadn’t commented on the St. Louis Panera bagel situation. Then I went a few days without actually addressing it, but fret no more! I will get it out of the way now, and it’ll be quick. It’ll be a perk for anyone who wants to quickly glance before shooting to the comments to talk about that exciting new stadium that opens today, and it’ll be nice for me considering it’s 9:47p as I’m typing and as always, I’d like to go to bed at a decent time, but I digress.

The St. Louis Panera bagel situation, in case you missed it or need a refresher:

I will not go so far and call myself a bagel expert — that distinction is probably saved for the people who know why bagels in the New York metropolitan area taste better than any other bagels on the planet. That said, I can be trusted on bagel opinions, and I must just come out and say it: slicing a bagel like it’s bread defeats the entire purpose of a bagel.

Now, a bagel in this format is obviously still a platform for something like cream cheese, butter, or whatever it is you want on a bagel. That said, you’re basically turning a bagel into a soft slice of bread, and eliminating the textural aspects that make a bagel a bagel.

For those of you who have yet to have the pleasure of eating a bagel in the New York area, allow me to describe the sensation. Both the outside and the inside meet different levels of soft firmness. The outside doesn’t have a crunch, and the inside doesn’t fall apart in your mouth; instead, they both have different types of bites. The outside is just a little bit hard, but easy to get through; the inside, meanwhile, has enough fluff to bite and chew. The carby taste is perfectly savory but neutral; there isn’t a bland aspect of it, even if the flavor is easily disguised, but not totally hidden, by whatever you put on the bagel. It’s impressive in what it accomplishes, ultimately.

A bagel sliced like bread could never accomplish this. If one wanted to share small pieces of bagels with colleagues or friends, it would be best to cut a bagel in quarters. I won’t even touch the topic of eating bagels outside of the New York area, but I understand that people must. Even then, this is not the way to enjoy any bagel anywhere.

I guess that wasn’t so short!

tl;dr: Do not slice bagels like bread!

Links of the Day

Juventus’s Leonardo Bonucci said teammate Moise Kean deserves 50 percent of the blame after he was racially abused by Cagliari fans.

FA chairman Greg Clarke has asked UEFA to allow referees the ability to abandon matches if players are being racially abused.

German FA president Reinhard Grindel has resigned after reports of undeclared earnings and general disapproval of his leadership.

LUNA Bar will make up the difference between what each U.S. women’s national team player will earn as a World Cup bonus compared to what the men would earn.

Today’s longer read: Tariq Panja on the proposed UEFA Super League and the battle it has created the continent’s top clubs and leagues for The New York Times