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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Tuesday, May 14

Questions, answers, and Tottenham players.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton FC - Premier League Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

Hey, everyone!

There’s a very fun Tottenham video out, so I’ve used it for the ramble.

Ramble of the Day

It’s always delightful when I have a video to enjoy (and by that I mean dissect), so here’s the latest one, a version of Ask Me Anything with Hugo Lloris, Kieran Trippier, Christian Eriksen, and Fernando Llorente. I’ll have some notes in bullet point form.

  • We start with a snippet of what’s to come. The question is, “Who’s the worst?” We have no context, but Eriksen quickly points at Trippier. There’s no hint of hesitation, or even a chuckle to indicate a joke. He delivers the line completely straight. Feel free to agree or disagree, but I am presenting it without comment.
  • Trippier says Kyle Walker-Peters might be the worst, but it’s probably him. Again, I present this without further comment.
  • Eriksen introduces them as “Tottenham Hotspur Football Club,” which isn’t exactly false, but it is fascinating to watch a footballer do a version of corporate-speak.
  • Question: If you could be number one in any other sport, which would it be? Lloris thinks Llorente would pick Formula 1, and everyone laughs. Wonder if there’s anything more behind that, an inside joke, possibly.
  • The group talks cheat foods. Eriksen says Llorente loves sweet treats, Llorente denies. Trippier says Llorente has had four bags of candy in one sitting. It’s probably just the equivalent of one bag for a regular human’s body, which is still a lot, but not as bad as four.
  • A person with the amusing Twitter handle “@JustAnnoyed” asks a question about how to start cereal: with milk or with cereal in the bowl first. (Fun fact: I like my cereal and milk separate.)
  • Llorente is the resident weirdo (this is not the discovery I promised earlier), putting warm milk in the bowl first. (You decide if that’s weirder than separating milk and cereal for the entirety of the meal, like I do.) Lloris says it’s a good question, and I agree.
  • Question: Who is the fastest player in the squad. “I think Nando is up there,” Eriksen says. Once again, the delivery is as dry as it comes. I envy it.
  • Someone by the Twitter handle @Edwards22Joshua asks if a hot dog is a sandwich. I wonder immediately if this person is a Hoddler.
  • Eriksen, again dryly to Llorente, who is confused: “You know what a hot dog is?” Llorente says yes. “You know what a sandwich is?” I’m laughing now, but Llorente says yes. “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” Lloris says yes, in apparent competition for resident weirdo. Llorente has no answer, and Eriksen thinks it’s a trick question and they move on.
  • The group is asked which player is best at Fortnite, and Trippier is the only one in this group who plays. He says Dele, but is quickly accused of playing favorites because Dele is his friend. He then says Harry Kane “going off the stats,” and I wish he’d give us a proper breakdown.
  • We get the context of that opening question, and it’s about who’s the worst at Fortnite. (It was more fun the other way.)

tl;dr: Spurs players show some personality in a fun video.

Links of the Day

Investigators will recommend that UEFA ban Manchester City from European competition for violating Financial Fair Play rules.

Bolton Wanderers will begin the 2019-2020 League One season with a 12 point deduction.

Crystal Palace has condemned an incident which saw the team’s doctor, Dr. Zafar Iqbal, and his children racially abused before the team’s match against Bournemouth.

North America’s United Soccer League has submitted a prospective rule change regarding concussion protocol to the International Football Association Board.

Chris Hughton has been sacked by Brighton, ending his five year stay managing the team.

Today’s longer read: The Guardian recaps the 2018-19 Premier League season, from picking the best matches of the season, players (and a team) with seasons to forget, and innovations that would improve the Premier League next season