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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Wednesday, May 15

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The world of sports uniforms.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton FC - Premier League Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

Hi, Hoddlers!

I’ve seen some of the Eurovision losers from yesterday’s semifinal, and I am bummed a few won’t make it.

Ramble of the Day

Sports, like many things, provide a platform for many things, fashion included. I’ve stated in the past that the modern athlete is a part-time model, working within the constructs of what the powers-that-be decided many moons ago what they should be wearing, and how creative designers can be with that brief. There’s a flexibility that means sports fashion can exist outside of stadiums; take Koché’s collaboration with Paris Saint-Germain for its Spring 2018 show, but I digress.

What I really want to do is this: rank athletes’ uniforms, mainly on the criteria of how creative designers can be with the restrictions and how flattering they are to wear. I guarantee I will miss a number of sports, so I’ve decided to work with the World Atlas’s list of top five sports in the world. Shall we?

  1. Tennis: The designers have such wide range, and the major players tend to have fun with it. Nike and Adidas come out with fun color palates and patterns to work with, while players with lucrative deals get custom designs that show some style. The variety is endless, making it difficult for me to not rank it highly based on my criteria.
  2. Football: The rest of the uniforms on the list, there’s a standard template in play here. Yet, football has so many examples of creative kits, from colors to prints and everything else in between. A uniquely fashionable kit is also rewarded by the football watching public, with Nigeria’s most recent World Cup kit as just one example. Plus, there’s a rich history of the wild ‘90s kits, which obviously is worth many points. There are plenty of classic designs, and even boring ones, but enough variety to go around.
  3. Cricket: I can’t believe it gets such a high rating, because most of these uniforms suck. Like the bottom two, the template of a polo top and athletic pants is simple, and most well-known teams don’t do a lot with it. However, these designers tend to go for bright colors, which is something, at least. Not everyone looks great, but at least they’re not shooting for entirely boring.
  4. Field Hockey: Designers work with a simple top + shorts combination that is essentially the plainest blank canvas, but don’t do much with it. Colors are standard and other design elements seem rare outside of men’s uniforms. These designs, though, tend to miss the mark, which definitely leads to some athletes looking bad. Partial credit for trying.
  5. Volleyball: Similar boat as field hockey, though with more sleeve options and less design variety. No points for being boring, even if athletes don’t actively look bad.

Feel free to ask me to rank other sports uniforms if you’d like, or disagree. Your choice!

tl;dr: Sports uniforms (mostly) suck.

Links of the Day

Bolton Wanderers has set up a food bank for staff who have not been paid.

Serie A has opted not to punish Cagliari after the team’s fans racially abused Juventus’s Moise Kean last month.

Chelsea’s Danny Drinkwater has been sentenced to a 20 month driving ban and 70 hours of community service after admitting to driving while drunk.

David Squires recaps the Premier League’s final day in his latest cartoon.

Transfer updates: Antoine Griezmann has announced he will leave Atlético Madrid at the end of the season; Daniele de Rossi will leave Roma at the end of the season

Today’s longer read: Alicia DelGallo on Fox Sports’ MLS sideline reporter Katie Witham and adjusting to life as a new mother in a male-dominated field for Pro Soccer USA