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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Thursday, May 16

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Good reality television personalities.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton FC - Premier League Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

Hello, all!

I just looked up the difference between seltzer and sparkling water, and I have decided it’s not interesting to ramble about.

Ramble of the Day

I’m watching the MasterChef celebrity cook-off or whatever its called, and Snooki + JWoww of Jersey Shore against Lisa Vanderpump of Vanderpump Rules fame and her daughter Pandora in a battle of reality television stars. Finally, after hours of wondering what I wanted to ramble about, I had my topic, and it’s a question.

Who is your favorite reality television personality?

Get as general or specific or you want, but note that sports are not reality television. I think I’m going to accidentally not answer this and just list a few different reality television personalities, but I’ll just get started and see what happens.

Lisa Vanderpump: Vanderpump Rules is a show full of adults who act far too immature for their ages, and it gets more and more embarrassing each season. Some of them have gotten better, but if I’m being honest, I’m grading on a curve here; almost all of them have extremely bad judgment and I have so many questions for them all. Enter Lisa Vanderpump, a restaurant owner who has been the boss of most of the other people at some point, but is also the supreme overlord of the show.

Naturally, as a successful person who also happens to act her age, she’s the voice of reason the dramatic personalities need, but she really does so in a particular Vanderpump way. She’s honest, but only extremely brutal on occasion. She gives them all chances to fail and hopefully grow, a very nice gesture for people who should probably show a little more appreciation, but maybe haven’t exhibited that they’re worthy of her generosity. (That’s right, I said it, Ariana!) It is a nice dynamic, though, because despite all of the unreasonable arguments the rest of the cast members make time and time again, the idea that Lisa is there for them is as positive as it gets. You can be a version of terrible, and still someone like Lisa Vanderpump will have your back. Anything is possible for us all.

Honorable mention: MasterChef Junior children: I’ve rambled about MasterChef Junior before, but I’d just like to add that the children on this show are incredible. They’re a little bit petty and very self-interested; take, for example, a child who decided on his own he was the CEO of a team that already had a designated captain. I also can’t believe some of them were actually cooking at ages 2-4, which at least a few have claimed, so it’s possible a few are compulsive liars. Yet, there’s a group spirit that is extremely enjoyable; they’re petty, but somehow easily get along with each other and seem inclined to support each other. The dynamic is extremely fun and the closest I can get to turning off my brain while watching television.

Looks like I actually answered the question!

tl;dr: Lisa Vanderpump fan here (and MasterChef Junior fan).

Links of the Day

The Bundesliga and Ligue 1 have rejected UEFA’s plan of a mostly closed Champions League.

Forward Andy Brennan is the first Australian male footballer to come out as openly gay.

The Vatican has launched a women’s national team with Pope Francis’s blessing.

Wolverhampton Wanderers have begun the process to convert stands into safe standing areas, becoming the first club to install rail seats in an entire stand.

Millwall’s women’s team has separated from the club and rebranded as London City Lionesses.

Today’s longer watch: Michael Butler, Fred Burns, and Ryan Baxter on refereeing abuse in English grassroots football and the FA’s attempts to protect them for The Guardian