The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Monday, May 20

Hi, Hoddlers!

I’m aware most of you will be talking Game of Thrones today, but it’s the Monday after Eurovision, so I’m going to ramble about that.

Ramble of the Day

For today’s ramble, I’ve decided to do the quickest recap of Eurovision I possibly could by reviewing every single song in a sentence or less! There will be spoilers, so if you haven’t watched yet, check in later. In order of performance:

1. Malta: Barely remember this one, but I think I called it “inoffensive” in terms of being an opening act of sorts.
2. Albania: Standing in place and singing a ballad is the most boring type of Eurovision performance.
3. Czech Republic: Catchy song, and I enjoyed the very colorful performance because I’m like a child and am easily entranced by well-coordinated bright colors.
4. Germany: A duo called S!sters performed a song called “Sister” that was about the most dramatic sibling rivalry with lyrics that you have to look up.
5. Russia: A semicircle of mirrors made for an engaging performance, but I barely remember the song.
6. Denmark: I remember getting angry at how boring this was early on and then tuning out.
7. San Marino: I don’t have proof at this time, but I think this song is part of a bit and I really, really enjoyed it.
8. North Macedonia: A decent entry in the song-as-message category.
9. Sweden: This one only got good when the background singers showed up, and two-thirds of the song had passed by then.
10. Slovenia: All I can think about is the lines “I made a doll out of your hair and skin / I talk to it at night.”
11. Cyprus: The experiment to just take last year’s song, change up the lyrics, and have someone else sing it to see if you can win backfired.
12. Netherlands: For a ballad-type song, it had the drama and the ability to engage that most others don’t, meaning it isn’t one of my favorites but I’m not offended that it won.
13. Greece: I only remember the performance, which had too much going on and was not at all cohesive.
14. Israel: I think this one gets the award for most boring song of the night.
15. Norway: In an unpopular stance, I didn’t enjoy this one at first, but after a second listen, I’m beginning to understand why others did.
16. United Kingdom: Don’t remember this one, either, which might make it the most boring, but like I said, I don’t remember.
17. Iceland: As memorable as it seemed it would be before the tournament, striking the balance of all of its many, many parts perfectly.
18. Estonia: This song shares the same name as last year’s United Kingdom entry, “Storm,” and last year’s was better.
19. Belarus: It was loud, but I somehow tuned it out.
20. Azerbaijan: Robots doing heart surgery on singer Chingiz to open the performance did not distract me from how Chingiz didn’t bring it.
21. France: Incorporating real-life examples of people rejected from dancing programs, one for her weight and another for being deaf, made a song about valuing oneself send a stronger message, but the song itself was not memorable.
22. Italy: Singer Mahmood goes semi-autobiographical somewhat unconventionally, making it a very entertaining song in an artistic sense.
23. Serbia: I think I made a joke about her being an emotionally darker Frozen’s Elsa, but I don’t think the joke translates well and that’s all I remember.
24. Switzerland: A second coming of sorts of Sweden’s 2018 entry “Dance You Off,” which means this one was quite enjoyable.
25. Australia: Great song meets a truly stellar performance.
26. Spain: Fun and energetic song that felt like a good way to close out the performances.

I’d encourage you all to find ways to watch some of these songs because there quite a few watchable ones. As always, hit up the comments section if you want to talk about my Eurovision takes or have some of your own.

tl;dr: Eurovision, in 26 sentences.

Links of the Day

UEFA has promised supporters 82% of Euro 2020 tickets after consistent criticism about ticket allocation.

Tony Pulis has left Middlesborough after two years at the club.

Massimiliano Allegri will leave Juventus at the end of the season after five years at the club.

Transfer updates: Vincent Kompany will join Anderlecht as a player-manager after an 11 year stay at Manchester City; Bournemouth has signed defender Lloyd Kelly from Bristol City

Today’s longer read: Matthew Hall interviews former U.S. international Kristine Lilly on winning the women’s World Cup, holding the international caps record, and the women’s game in the present for The Guardian