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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Wednesday, May 29

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That’s football, and that sucks.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton FC - Premier League Photo by Stephen Pond/Getty Images

Hi, all!

EastEnders is on again, so it’s running while I ramble.

Ramble of the Day

Today’s the day of the Europa League final, and so I figure today is as good a day as any to ramble about the song “That’s Football” by Petr Čech and Queen’s Roger Taylor. I listened to it a few days ago, and almost immediately knew I had to ramble about it, so without futher ado, “That’s Football”:

It takes 42 seconds to get to the chorus of “That’s Football,” when you hear Taylor singing “that’s football,” which isn’t a particularly long time, but I really wanted to know if we ever get out of the part where Čech says random words associated with football. The answer: outside of Taylor singing “that’s football / we love football,” all this song is is Čech speaking random words for almost three minutes.

Here’s the second verse, spoken by Čech:

Victory

[two seconds pass]

Happiness

[two seconds pass]

Glory

[two seconds pass]

Fame

The chorus, sung by Taylor, isn’t more interesting:

The pitch

[two seconds pass]

The roar

[two seconds pass]

The crowd

[two seconds pass]

The score

[two seconds pass]

The fans

[two seconds pass]

The night

[seven seconds pass]

That’s football

At one point, we get the requisite goal call, and then eventually Čech goes into goalkeeper terms like “save” and “clean sheet,” and he even says “red card” twice in a row. Čech does a few more goal calls as if Andrés Cantor is around and he’s a Today Show anchor who thinks the only defining quality of Cantor is his goal call, and the song comes to a close.

The result is a song that seemingly has little to no effort put into it, and could be easily redone by anyone anywhere. Ultimately, it’s just lame.

tl;dr: Petr Čech and Roger Taylor did a bad song.

Links of the Day

11 people have been arrested in relation to a match fixing scandal in Spain’s top three divisions.

André Villas-Boas has been appointed the Marseille manager.

Information related to the 2015 FIFA scandal could be locked in New Jersey storage lockers owned by deceased FIFA ExCo member Chuck Blazer.

David Squires covers the Europa League and Champions League finals in his latest cartoon.

Today’s longer read: David Hynter interviews Son Heung-min on playing for Koreans that wake up at 4a to watch the Champions League for The Guardian