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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Friday, May 3

Let’s play a game!

Tottenham Hotspur v Ajax - UEFA Champions League Semi Final: First Leg Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images

Hello, all!

Let’s end the week with a fun question.

Ramble of the Day

I’ll just pose the question right away: Which five Tottenham players would you pick to play Family Feud? Assume whatever situation you’d like to convince yourself this would actually happen — maybe it’s part of a promo for the North London Derby or something — and let’s get to it.

(Not sure how many of you know or don’t know Family Feud, so I’ll leave you with a brief description: 5 members of a family face off against another 5-person family, guessing how 100 random people who were surveyed answered random questions like “How many hours of sleep do you get a night?” or “What’s something you don’t want to hear about on a first date?” A quick YouTube search is encouraged, because people have ridiculous answers on this show, as Eric Dier once pointed out on Instagram.)

My five, with consultation from my sisters:

  1. Eric Dier: Look, I don’t have a lot of proof that any of these players is quote-unquote smart enough to play Family Feud, and the truth is that you don’t really need to be smart to play this game and be any good at it. That said, I think Dier would have fun with this task as someone who is seemingly quote-unquote cultured. Also, he has watched at least one Family Feud clip.
  2. Jan Vertonghen: I include Vertonghen for the same reasons as I include Dier, because he seems relatively intelligent. He’ll definitely have judgmental comments to make if he doesn’t like the answers, which I definitely want on my team. He will attempt to be the voice of reason.
  3. Harry Winks: He likely understands the person surveyed, be it a special football edition of Family Feud where they surveyed only footballers, or a regular one where they just surveyed regular people.
  4. Danny Rose: I really don’t know if he’d be any good at it, and I imagine at least a few of you would like to make the Google joke. I just think it’d be fun to see him try it; he could be good at it! (He also might not be.)
  5. Son Heung-min: He might have some decent answers of his own, but he will be the resident “good answer” guy, telling his teammates that their answers are good before the board tells them if they’re good or not.

Is this a team that could succeed? I have no idea. It would be fun to watch them all have to answer questions like “What is something people buy, use, and then return?” In case you’re wondering, “house” was not on the board.

tl;dr: Who’d make your Tottenham Family Feud team?

Links of the Day

The takeover of Bolton Wanderers by former Watford owner Laurence Bassini is off.

Xavi will retire at the end of the Qatari season after a 21 year career.

Leeds’ Patrick Bamford has been banned for two matches after faking a face injury against Aston Villa.

Leicester’s Hamza Choudhury has been charged with misconduct by the FA for discriminatory tweets in 2013 and 2014.

Arsenal’s Petr Čech will release a single with Queen’s Roger Taylor for charity.

Today’s longer read: Joshua Kloke on the opening weekend of the Canadian Premier League for The Guardian