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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Friday, May 31

In search of multiple hattricks.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton FC - Premier League Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

Hello, Hoddlers!

We’re getting very close to that very important day, so I’d like to wish us all good luck. May you manage the remaining hours well, and may the hours after that treat us all nicely. If you need the distraction, there’s always the ramble. I do encourage you all to check out the extremely long list of long reads ahead of the Champions League final.

Ramble of the Day

This happened yesterday:

I will admit that Håland’s accomplishment reminded me of something I’d said back in 2012. It was the group stage of that year’s Concacaf women’s Olympic qualifying tournament, and in two consecutive matches, two different American players scored five goals in one game. So close to two hattricks, I thought (and also probably said out loud). It was probably around that time, or perhaps even earlier, I made a bold statement.

I’d buy the jersey of the next person that would score two hattricks in a competitive match played by any senior team. Håland doesn’t qualify, as he’s playing for a youth side, and there have been a few close cases, but as far as I know, I haven’t heard of anyone that’s done it.

There’s probably someone out there that’s done it in the last seven years; I don’t have the time currently to do the research, and maybe I will at a later time, but I’m not going to go back in time and track that person down in order to buy a jersey. I’ll simply wait for the first time the fresh news reaches me. This may require a Google alert, but I’ll decide that later.

As I was thinking out loud about this ramble with my younger sister, I was joking around that if I told you all this, it would increase my chances of finding out when it happens in case it happens in a league/tournament that I won’t be paying attention to. No pressure, though; I really don’t want to force you into anything.

I was about to leave it there, but then I remembered that the stakes are extremely high because I player I don’t like could accomplish this feat, but now I’ve put this out into the internet, and I must stick to my word. I guess we’ll see what happens. I’ll try not to think of the worst in the meantime.

tl;dr: I’ll probably buy a jersey if I hear someone’s scored two hattricks in a match.

Links of the Day

Inter has hired Antonio Conte to replace Luciano Spalletti.

An Italian 14-year-old has been banned for a year for making a vulgar gesture towards a female referee.

Transfer updates: Norwich has signed Patrick Roberts on a season-long loan from Manchester City

Today’s longer reads: Champions League final edition