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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Monday, May 6

Horse names.

AFC Bournemouth v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Warren Little/Getty Images

Hello, all!

What a weird, weird season it’s been, but it isn’t over yet! Anyway, I’m going to change the topic.

Ramble of the Day

Some of you may have heard, but the Kentucky Derby happened over the weekend, and some horse named Maximum Security won, only to be disqualified, allowing some horse named Country House to win. I’m okay with this, because even though Country House isn’t the greatest name for a horse, Maximum Security is a genuinely horrible name for a horse for multiple reasons that I have decided not to spell out.

You’ve probably noticed by now that the only aspect I can bother care about regarding horse racing (and/or horses in general) are the naming practices, and I cannot say that I’m impressed by the names of the more competitive horses. Naturally, I had a conversation with my younger sister about it on public transportation over the weekend, and I accidentally starting brainstorming some names for the horses I don’t want and will never have. (I have nothing against horses; I’m just not particularly interested in having one in my life.) I’ve decided to continue brainstorming as I ramble.

  • Glass of Milk (I also happen to be drinking a glass of milk as I write this.)
  • Diving Header (there are probably a few other football terms to throw in there as good names; Short Corner, perhaps?)
  • Bed
  • Balloon Sword (accidentally got stabbed by one the other day, but somehow recovered)
  • Fast Guy (a sister’s suggestion; would be funny if the horse was slow)
  • My Little Pony (original)
  • Now That’s What I Call Horsy
  • Equitable Distribution (the other sister suggested this one

The real winner, though:

  • Kimchi Quesadilla

I would definitely recommend trying a kimchi quesadilla, and love the way the words sound next to each other. I bet they’d even sound nice as commentators screamed it in excitement as a horse sped to the finish line.

tl;dr: Horse name brainstorming session.

Links of the Day

Franck Ribéry will leave Bayern Munich on a free at the end of the season.

Barcelona’s Ousmane Dembélé will miss the second leg of the Champions League semifinal against Liverpool with a leg injury.

Seven people were arrested as fans fought following Liverpool’s victory at Newcastle over the weekend.

Today’s longer read: Mike Goodman on the rise of the Premier League’s midtable teams for StatsBomb