Today rules. First we had the news that Tottenham Hotspur is actively trying to GAZUMP Arsenal for the purchase of William Saliba, and now this: Mexican outlet Récord is reporting that Liga MX side C.F. Monterrey is in “advanced negotiations” over the purchase of Vincent Janssen.
I’m just gonna let that sink in a bit.
The new Liga MX season kicks off in nine days, and reportedly Monterrey are trying to get this one over the line before they play América in their opener. The Récord says that Janssen is unwanted by Mauricio Pochettino (duh) and that the club is willing to spend $8m (£6.4m) to bring him to Monterrey.
It kinda makes a weird sort of sense! Clearly nobody in Europe is interested in Thicc Vin. Should this materialize, Janssen would finally be able to play in the Champions League again. Just... not the UEFA Champions League. He’d also be back in contention for the World Cup... the Club World Cup.
But, being serious for a second, Monterrey is a good team. They’re one of Mexico’s really big clubs, and they won the CONCACAF Champions League last season. They finished third in the league last year behind León and Tigres. I don’t follow Mexican football closely at all, but people who do tell me that Monterrey has probably been the best club in Mexico over the past decade. It’s not Europe, but all things considered it wouldn’t be the worst place to land.
You’ve got every reason to want to be skeptical of this story — we certainly are, and so is Sport Witness, who says that the report is full of all kinds of weasel words and bet hedging. As of now, the Récord is the only outlet that is reporting it, and it’s not clear where they got their information. Janssen, should he sign, would be the only player on the Monterrey roster that is not from the western hemisphere. It’d probably be a tough transition.
But yo, forget that for a second — think about the possibility of Vincent Janssen playing in Mexico. It’s close enough to the US border to make it a somewhat reasonable trip for South Texas Spurs fans to go watch him play. He’ll probably get to play a few games in the United States in various club competitions. He’d get to learn a new, exciting language. And frankly, he’d be great in a league like Liga MX or MLS. Not hacking it in the Premier League doesn’t mean you can’t have a great career elsewhere.
And since Liga MX don’t have as many restrictions on shirt sponsors as European clubs do, his impressive thiccness would make him a walking billboard and an advertising opportunity. Maybe slap a few extra logos on his ass and make back some of his transfer fee. Or, to put it another way:
Janssen playing with a bimbo logo on his ass would be legendary— Ian (@ian5446) July 12, 2019
Man, I don’t know if this is a real thing or not. It’s likely hogwash. Ultimately, I don’t care. It’s a ridiculous rumor about a player that needs to go away from Tottenham, and I would absolutely love it if it happens. Road trip to Mexico, anyone?