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Tottenham Hotspur portraits, as drawn by a computer AI

What happens if you ask a computer to draw portraits of your favorite soccer players?

Today, the writers of Cartilage Free Captain discovered If you don’t know about it, it’s a website that, when given an uploaded photo, uses an artificial intelligence algorithm to turn it into a fine art portrait. The AI decides what style of portrait to use, which means some pictures look like they were made by the Hapsburgian school of painting, others look like expressionist works, and others look like something straight out of Lovecraftian horror.

We had some fun uploading portraits of ourselves for a while (don’t worry, while the images are uploaded to a server for purposes of AI generation, the site says they are deleted immediately afterwards and won’t end up on a Russian server), but then we had another idea.

I mean, you know what we think about artificial intelligence and computer generated created stuff. You had to know this was coming.

Hugo Lloris (GK)

Paulo Gazzaniga (GK)

Jan Vertonghen (CB)

Toby Alderweireld (CB)

Champions League exultation meets Netflix vampire drama.

Davinson Sanchez (CB)

Juan Foyth (CB/RB)

Serge Aurier (RB)

Kyle Walker-Peters (RB)

Ben Davies (LB)

Danny Rose (LB)

We couldn’t decide!

Victor Wanyama (DM)

Eric Dier (DM/CB)

Harry Winks (CM)

Winksy already looks like he’s a teenager. The AI made him look like a preteen heartthrob.

Moussa Sissoko (CM/DM/AM/RB)

Tanguy Ndombele (CM)

Tanguy Ndombele, or Idris Elba? You decide.

Erik Lamela (AM)

The mouth... it just keeps going. And going. And...

Christian Eriksen (AM)

Dele Alli (AM)

Son Heung-Min (FW)

I hate this one because Sonny is already perfect.

Lucas Moura (FW)

Oddly, Lucas Moura was the only player whose portrait just made him look like... Lucas Moura.

Fernando Llorente (ST)

Harry Kane (ST)


Mauricio Pochettino

Jesus Perez

Daniel Levy


Stare into the void until it devours your mind, leaving you an empty, soulless husk. #COYS

Gareth Bale

Why Bale? Because JUST LOOK AT THAT.