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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Thursday, January 16

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Sing it, if you must

Tottenham Hotspur v West Ham United - Barclays FA Women’s Super League Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC/Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

Hey, everyone!

Above is forward Rianna Dean, who has four goals in 13 matches this season.

Ramble of the Day

Hopefully, this will not be true forever, but I have yet to see Cats. Being the most epic disaster of a film in recent memory, it’s a must-watch for me, enjoyer of total trash, but I digress. It would have been fun to see it in a theater, if only so my younger sister could make fun of Jason Derulo out loud, with an audience.

It’s not just because he’s the most shocking member of the cast (for me, anyway; I’m sure there are convincing arguments to be made otherwise), or because he had the worst public reaction of anyone involved with the film after its release. Derulo is quite the individual, and his most easy to mock feature is that he, at least in the past, loved to sing his own name.

There’s no need to watch or listen to the whole thing — it repeats after about 45 seconds, and repeating it for 57 minutes is a joke, but a good one because it makes the point perfectly: Jason Derulo is insufferable in his own way.

So, watching it in a theater with my younger sister would have been fun because she’s pretty good at impressions, Jason Derulo singing his own name included. She would have sang his name each time his Rum Tum Tugger entered a scene. I imagine everyone that went to go see Cats in a theater did so because they wanted to see the horror show and make fun of it either during the film or after it, so it probably would’ve been fine. There is the chance that no one would have been there — that movie did not make a lot of money — and probably a chance someone would’ve gotten mad, too. It would only have been funnier, though.

tl;dr: I just wanted to share Jason Derulo’s very cringeworthy habit of singing his own name.

Links of the Day

Eniola Aluko has retired after a 19 year career.

The 2021 Africa Cup of Nations will be played in January.

Monterrey’s Jesús Gallardo will serve a two match suspension after using a homophobic slur last month.

Macclesfield’s winding-up petition has been adjourned after the club showed offers for shares.

Transfer updates: West Ham finally signed Darren Randolph from Middlesbrough after injury concerns

Today’s longer read: Stephanie Yang interviews three NWSL players on the journey from being a final round draft pick to earning a roster spot for All for XI