Holy moly was that ever fun! Tottenham Hotspur went into Old Trafford to face Manchester United with a head of steam, but not a lot of energy after a brutal match schedule the past two weeks. What might have been a frustrating match was anything but — Spurs conceded a penalty in the opening 30 seconds but roared back to score two goals in the opening seven minutes and won the match by an astounding 6-1 scoreline.
Son Heung-Min and Harry Kane each had a brace apiece, and both Tanguy Ndombele and Serge Aurier chipped in with goals of their own. It was great!
A big celebratory win deserves a celebratory theme, and I have just the one. Getty posted this great photo — in the header of this article — of Spurs’ players celebrating after beating Chelsea in the Carabao Cup after a penalty shoot-out. Today’s theme is drawn from that photo. It’s important to note that, despite the rankings, NONE of these photos are bad. They’re all good. Just like Spurs.
Here are your player ratings to the theme of reaction faces in the above photo.
5 stars — Serge Aurier
We make fun of Harry Kane for his open mouth but I swear I look into Serge’s gaping maw and it’s full of stars. So good.
Son Heung-Min (Community — 5.0): Two goals and an assist is good enough, but to do it one week after (supposedly?) tweaking your hamstring is superhuman. His partnership and understanding with Kane is unreal.
Harry Kane (Community — 4.5): Kane now has six assists, comfortably atop the Premier League in that category. The Premier League record is 20. His vision to see Son making the run and quick-start the pass after a foul was visionary. He’s scored more goals, but I’m not sure he’s ever played better.
Serge Aurier (Community — 4.5): Wow. We all have given Serge a hard time but this was his best match for Spurs, and I’m not sure it’s close. I admit I was a bit worried about that right side near the box at the beginning, but he was outstanding in both directions. Assisted son and got a great goal of his own. Wonderful.
Jose Mourinho (Community — 5.0): Jose ate Ole’s lunch on Sunday, and he knew it.
4.5 stars: Tanguy Ndombele
Tanguy’s not smiling because he already left everything on the field and he’s not relishing the idea of doing ANY more sprinting, even if its in celebration. “Y’all can do it without me, I’m done.”
Pierre Højbjerg (Community — 4.5): In just about any other match this is a five-star performance. It’s just that the three above him were just magnificent. Six ball recoveries, three tackles and an assist today — he was all over the midfield.
Tanguy Ndombele (Community — 4.5): In the right place at the right time to poke home the opening goal, but it was his press resistance and ability to split the lines with his passing that really stood out today. Man, he’s so good and I’m so happy we’re finally seeing it.
4 stars: Erik Lamela
This is the face of a man who wishes to do a murder.
Sergio Reguilon (Community — 4.0): Reguilon’s pace is transformative. It reminds me of what Kyle Walker could do at his best with Tottenham — not only running into space but also providing another, left sided ball outlet as Spurs attack and counter. He’s already as good as Walker was, and he’s only 23.
Erik Lamela (Community — 4.0): Scrapped to help earn Tottenham’s first goal, created another big chance with a long pass from deep, and did his best work by shithousing Anthony Martial into a red card. MY KING.
3.5 stars: Toby Alderweireld
A consummate teammate and professional. Amazing that he could go through that entire match and his hair’s still completely in place.
Eric Dier (Community — 4.0): I’m still not entirely convinced by Dier as a central defender — United got past him a couple of times — but he was a safe outlet with the ball (81/84 passes), and didn’t have to leave to take care of “business.”
Moussa Sissoko (Community — 4.0): Sissoko was in his usual “Aurier cover” position, but he wasn’t really needed in that role because Serge was so good. Instead, he just kind of wandered around a lot, fading into the background and making safe passes because Hojbjerg and Tanguy were so dominant. Did well against Pogba in midfield and had a lovely hockey assist for Sonny’s second.
3 stars: Harry Kane
Harry Kane is a lovably basic dude and this celebration looks like he’s singing along at an Ed Sheeran concert. You do you, Harry.
Davinson Sanchez (Community — 3.5): Gave up the penalty within 30 seconds and looked shaky early, but grew into the match and played well overall. Worked well with Aurier on that right side. Would be higher if not for, well, you know.
Hugo Lloris (Community — 4.0): Not faulting him for not saving the penalty. But otherwise, honesty, what exactly did he DO? Classic keeper-not-needed three star performance. And that’s not a knock on Hugo — if we needed him, he’d have been there.
Lucas Moura (Community — 3.5): Replaced Lamela in the second half and was a more direct threat on counters.
Ben Davies (Community — 3.5): A late substitute for Sonny, and smartly took advantage of Pogba’s hilarity to earn a penalty and another goal for Kane.
Dele (Community — 3.5): Worked hard in midfield, had a couple of nice touches and some good effort. He’s worth keeping around, so let’s do that.
2.5 stars: Eric Dier
Dier’s got that edge to him where he looks at times a touch like Jax from “Sons of Anarchy.” I swear he looks like he wants to ride a motorcycle through a plate glass window.
Nobody was in this category.
2 stars: Lucas Moura
We know what Lucas looks like when he’s celebrating — we saw it in Amsterdam. This is a pale imitation. FFS Lucas, celebrate better.
Nope, nobody here either.
1 star (or is it 10?): Sergio Reguilon
Sergio Reguilon has already exited the frame because he’s so fast he’s halfway to Lloris before his teammates have even moved.
No Tottenham players are as bad as abandoning your teammates to be the first one to celebrate with the captain. Although, in another sense that’s the best thing ever.