I’ve been trying to write this Hoddle for a week, so here it is.
Ramble of the Day
Something I’ve been looking forward to finally dropped last week: Diyora Shadijanova’s Twitter thread of the best British television moments of 2020. I only found out about these collections of amazing videos last year, when I crossed paths with her roundup of the decade in British television, full of gems like the Chris Kamara red card incident and the kid who wondered if the lettuce was halal. (I’d link to last year’s Hoddle, but that Twitter thread was accidentally deleted.) It turns out some things were, in fact, funny in 2020.
4. When this very chaotic Come Dine With Me contestant made "stir loan steak" pic.twitter.com/rU23zSq8Ny— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 13, 2020
Maybe funny isn’t the only word for Come Dine with Me’s Claire, though. There’s a lot going on here: She’s making “stir-loin” steaks! She doesn’t use tongs or utensils while cooking! She finished off her steaks in the microwave! I’ve only named of Claire’s cooking techniques, too — there’s so much jammed into this video. It’s cringeworthy and slightly horrifying, but it is actually funny.
10. Quite possibly the worst acting ever on Emmerdale pic.twitter.com/lscaRVVzpK— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 13, 2020
This, though, is unquestionably funny. I hope all scenes on Emmerdale are like this, though I’m sure they’re not. The thing about this thread is that it makes me want to dedicate a day or two to watching British television next time I’m in the UK, which is probably not the best way to spend a trip but I almost can’t help myself.
12. When this presenter added a little ✨ spice ✨ to the BBC News theme tune pic.twitter.com/gnsHEWawjp— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 13, 2020
I am desperate for this presenter to collaborate with the BBC News dancing man.
23. When Jordan North kept trying to visualise Turf Moor as his happy place just to get through this I'm A Celeb challenge pic.twitter.com/eqmHwQrVFN— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 13, 2020
What summary of British television would be complete without something related to football? I’m thrilled that Jordan North was able to complete the challenge, but [insert joke about Burnley being boring here]. That must make for a miserable happy place, but I have to concede that it’s probably miles better than being locked up with some snakes.
25. When a contestant on the Hit List completely savaged another contestant for no reason looool pic.twitter.com/GL3mKBx05m— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 14, 2020
This guy makes a very strong attempt at probably being the biggest jerk on The Hit List, but he didn’t stick the landing. He didn’t remember the name of A Girl Like Me, the Rihanna album that her song “Unfaithful” is on, and I feel like if he was going to go all the way of correcting his fellow contestant for no good reason, he should’ve had all the answers. (I looked it up, for what it’s worth.)
27. When an old man was trapped inside this little boy's body pic.twitter.com/phHx6hNHRR— Diyora Shadijanova (Диёра Шадижанова) (@thediyora) December 14, 2020
I’ll cap things off with Gabriel, who had thoughts after Chelsea beat Tottenham 2-1 in February. I will let Gabriel have his opinion, too; I remember how much that game sucked, so describing Spurs as “the modern version of a bag of shite” is fine by me. I might even start using it from time to time — Sunday’s performance could be the place to start.
tl;dr: A thread of the best bits of British television in 2020, which is inherently a thread of very enjoyable clips.
Stay informed, watch this: Marcus Rashford accepts a special award during the BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards for his work to combat food insecurity
Links of the Day
Lorient’s groundskeeper died aged 38 after a lighting apparatus fell on him after this weekend’s game against Rennes.
Seven tested positive for COVID-19 in the Premier League’s latest round of testing.
Borussia Mönchengladbach’s Marcus Thuram received a six match ban and €40k fine for spitting on Hoffenheim’s Stefan Posch.
German internationals Lars and Sven Bender will retire at the end of the 2020-21 season after 15 year playing careers.
Former US international Kyle Beckerman retired after a 20 year career.
A longer read: Rory Smith on Borussia Dortmund firing Lucien Favre and the question that always follows the club of how to define success for The New York Times