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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Tuesday, March 31

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Let’s rank Eric Dier’s hairstyles!

Gary Doherty

Hey, everyone!

You’re looking at Gary Doherty, who played for Tottenham from 2000 to 2004.

Ramble of the Day

Eric Dier has provided onlookers with many memorable moments over the years between scoring on his Tottenham debut and recently going into the stands to go after a person who was being a jerk to his brother. While we’ve gotten to know him since he joined the club in 2014 — he seems to like artichokes and definitely loves his dogs — there’s one thing we haven’t given Dier credit for: he’s the player on the roster that’s rotated through the most hairstyles in his time at the club. It’s time we rank them.

Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Headshots Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

Coming in dead last is Dier’s curtains style, also known as the ‘90s boy band cut. It was a short lived look from August 2016, and considering he really didn’t wear his hair this way outside of the 2016-17 season picture day, I’d guess he lost a bet and had to show up with his hair like that. I’m glad the phase wasn’t actually a phase at all.

Day Six: The Championships - Wimbledon 2019 Photo by Matthias Hangst/Getty Images

Ranking at number four is the almost entirely shaved head, which is his last known hairstyle and also the one he sported when he attended Wimbledon in July 2019. Dier’s a guy that can rock a very short haircut, but a little more hair goes a long way for him.

(Side note: He went to Wimbledon on a day Ashleigh Barty, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer, and Andy Murray and Serena Williams in doubles played on Centre Court. Sounds like a really lovely day.)

Burnley FC v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Rich Linley - CameraSport via Getty Images

Number three is Dier’s buzz cut, the look he had at the beginning of the month. The picture very clearly illustrates the point I made earlier — a little more hair suits Dier, and seeing that it appears to be his preferred style, he may be in agreement.

FBL-EUR-C1-TOTTENHAM-PRESSER Photo credit should read GLYN KIRK/AFP via Getty Images

As we hit the number two choice, you’ll notice that more hair on Dier’s head usually means a higher ranking. This is Dier in September 2016, and he’s sporting a cut that worked for his age and the time — he clearly put a lot of effort into it with the styling and the hair dye, and it worked. It’s what a 22-year-old professional footballer in 2016 might want to look like, and it’s not even remotely embarrassing.

Tottenham Hotspur Training Session Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

Number one, though, is Dier keeping things natural while also sporting a head full of hair. This is hardly him putting in a lot of effort with the hair — he didn’t put in a tough of effort to style it for this February 2018 training session, which isn’t an issue. His hair was likely going to get messed up anyway, but more importantly, it looks pretty good without a ton of effort. It works well with the shape of his forehead, and in the end, it’s probably my vote for soft Dier over hard (read: buzz cut) Dier, if I had to choose one over the other.

tl;dr: I ranked Eric Dier’s hairstyles, and clearly prefer more hair to less hair.

Links of the Day

Coronavirus:

Today’s longer read: Suzanne Wrack interviews Kely Nascimento-DeLuca on learning about deep rooted racism and sexism in women’s football and her upcoming documentary, Warriors of a Beautiful Game for The Guardian