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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Monday, April 13

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Chaos in Ellen’s kitchen

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Tottenham v Villa

Hey, everyone!

At the top of the Hoddle today is former Tottenham midfielder Stephen Clemence, and I’m writing this up while watching a previous edition of the Spelling Bee on ESPN.

Ramble of the Day

I teased last month during that Dakota Johnson ramble that I had a favorite awkward segment from The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and since we’ve had enough space in between that ramble and this one, I figured I might as well share it. DeGeneres had chef and Food Network personality Giada De Laurentiis on for a cooking segment in 2017, and fellow guest Nicole Kidman tagged along. Several conflicts emerged over the six minute segment.

First comes a conflict between De Laurentiis and DeGeneres, despite a perceived friendliness between the two. Even with contrasting kitchen experience, De Laurentiis is complimentary of Kidman’s early efforts as they start on arancini — she tends to contrast Kidman with DeGeneres frequently, saying DeGeneres’s risotto ball looks like dog food at one point.

After about a minute, DeGeneres clearly checks out of cooking and De Laurentiis (politely) has had it with her. Kidman and DeGeneres have a brief conflict of their own now: Kidman asks DeGeneres to be quiet as De Laurentiis is teaching; DeGeneres tells Kidman to stop talking to her every time De Laurentiis starts talking herself.

The group moves on to making a clementine and fennel focaccia, and DeGeneres will no longer cook but is also uncooperative in other ways. Kidman keeps trying to learn, but it appears De Laurentiis isn’t a very good teacher, and the final conflict arises in the second half of the segment. Kidman shares that anxiety and timing are her two struggles in the kitchen, adding that she perceives cooking to be relaxing when watching others. De Laurentiis attempts to teach Kidman about timers, but later just suggests Kidman not do as much. (I find this to be pretty condescending. I cook a decent amount, but am pretty slow so I take some issue with De Laurentiis’s suggestion of doing less and would encourage Kidman to just move at her own pace and invest in a timer.)

It’s clear Kidman isn’t learning anymore, and that De Laurentiis isn’t teaching — whether or not that’s the result of being frazzled by a segment that went off the rails several minutes ago is worth wondering. Eventually, the student-teacher relationship is completely fractured. De Laurentiis takes it upon herself to fix Kidman’s focaccia instead of teaching her how to do it even though Kidman is asking for a teacher’s help. To wrap it up, the confirmation of chaos: Kidman admits defeat; De Laurentiis asks why she bothered; and finally, Kidman calls the finished focaccia “a little tough” and spits it out.

As far as television cooking segments go, I imagine it is the worst case scenario. It did kind of make for a good watch, though!

tl;dr: My favorite awkward television moment is Giada De Laurentiis and Nicole Kidman on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Links of the Day

Coronavirus:

Former Chelsea goalkeeper Peter Bonetti died aged 78.
Supplemental reading: Brian Glanville’s obituary for The Guardian

Venezuelan forward Anthony Blondell was charged with sexual assault for an incident that took place while he played for the Vancouver Whitecaps.

Norwich signed forward Danel Sinani from Dudelange, and he will join the club ahead of the 2020-21 season.

Today’s longer read: Suzanne Wrack on the life of Sir Denis Follows, the former FA secretary that was instrumental in ending England’s ban on women’s football for The Guardian