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Son Heung-Min has a military buzz-cut and I’m crying now

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That hair! That beautiful hair!

Elvis Presley Receives an Army Crew Cut
This is not Son Heung-Min, but someone less famous and important also getting a haircut.

I knew this day would come, but I didn’t expect it to be so traumatic. A new photo has emerged of Son Heung-Min during his military service, showing what appears to be the Tottenham Hotspur forward sporting a buzz-cut.

Brace yourselves. I’m already in mourning.

Aiugh. OK, so it could be worse — he’s not cueball bald, which was one of my worries and would probably haunt my nightmares for months. It’s short, but not THAT short. And honestly, Sonny can make just about any haircut look good and that’s a testament to his good looks and impeccable charisma.

Still. Sonny’s hair was one of his best features. At its best it displayed a chiaroscuro effect that lent it a faint coppery sheen, as if the holy light of God was shining behind him, a nibus surrounding his favored Son and illuminating his way towards goal. That heavenly light is now gone, in its place a utilitarian cut useful only in that Sonny probably won’t have to shower every day while he assembles his marine rifle in basic training.

Sonny’s military service won’t last forever, but the cut will remain much longer than his obligations to the South Korean marines. Now we wait and see — was his hair linked to his on-pitch performance, like a Korean Samson? Will the lack of air resistance flowing through his locks improve his aerodynamics and give him that little extra edge to sprint past defenders? Also, what’s he going to do when it reaches that stage growing out that just looks awkward and gross?

Most importantly, perhaps his teammates will shave their heads in solidarity. Jose Mourinho’s already one step ahead in that regard.