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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Monday, May 18

A very Eurovision Hoddle

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur - Old Trafford Photo by Neal Simpson - PA Images via Getty Images

Hello, all!

Above is Darren Bent, and until you hit the links, you will see a lot about Eurovision. Forgive if you must, join me if you can. Let’s start with a music video from the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, a Netflix film about it that Will Ferrell is the star, writer, and producer of. I think I’m less nervous about this movie.

Ramble of the Day

Unfortunately, Eurovision’s regular competition was canceled this year but over the course of the last two months, my sisters and I diligently carried on and arranged a full lineup for our own Eurovision grand final over the weekend. I’ll carry on with a tradition of mine where I give a one sentence description of each of our finalists (which I will link to for your convenience).

In the order arranged by our Eurovision grand final draw:

  1. Malta: Destiny can sing and the song is inoffensive, but only just memorable.
  2. Cyprus: This is the forgettable one.
  3. Australia: I don’t know if Montaigne’s decision to partially dress like a clown really worked here.
  4. Czech Republic: The music is good, but it might be a bit hollow otherwise.
  5. Sweden: It may not be new, but it is new for Eurovision and very clearly proves the backup vocals were the best part of last year’s Sweden entry.
  6. Georgia: Shocking and seemingly random at first, but the screaming man is surprisingly effective in delivering his message.
  7. San Marino: Slightly NSFW and the song is terrible, but somehow grows on you by the end.
  8. Germany: A new direction for Germany, but the same uninteresting impact.
  9. United Kingdom: They clearly tried, but the chorus absolutely kills the song.
  10. France: The controversy associated with the song is much more interesting than the actual song, and the controversy is only so interesting.
  11. Iceland: A terrific song with a fun performance.
  12. Ireland: It’s a song for a Disney program targeted at teenagers.
  13. Serbia: If Sony wanted a Serbian match to “Don’t Call Me Angel” to promote last year’s Charlie’s Angels, I’d guess this would be it.
  14. Israel: This should probably be more interesting than it is.
  15. Austria: It’s got a good beat and provides visual interest with dancers, so you can’t really hate it.
  16. Bulgaria: One of the better ballads.
  17. Italy: This one also grows on you as it goes on, and I find the chorus an interesting way to describe a relationship.
  18. Ukraine: It’s a combination of folk music and electronica!
  19. North Macedonia: Again, visual interest with dancers is always a decent way to entertain.
  20. Latvia: Conceptually interesting music video, and it’s entirely possible Samanta Tina might’ve pulled out something interesting for the real show.
  21. Spain: This might’ve been the most boring one.
  22. Albania: Maybe this one was the most boring one?
  23. The Netherlands: A very impactful ballad.
  24. Switzerland: It looks like we hit the ballad portion of the program, and this one’s okay.
  25. Belgium: It sounds a bit like a Bond song, early Daniel Craig days.
  26. Lithuania: Perfectly embraces the spirit of Eurovision.

In the end, here’s how we felt about them:

tl;dr: My sisters and I staged our own Eurovision grand final this year. Iceland won but Lithuania put in a great effort.

Links of the Day

Former England defender Kenny Sansom is in the hospital.

FIFA will select the 2023 women’s World Cup host at its online meeting on June 25.

Everton is refunding those who purchased tickets for the home games that were scheduled for play before the play stoppage.

Today’s longer read: Gabriele Marcotti on Tomas Carlovich, a player of the 1970s who represents the sport’s days before professionalism but is considered one of Argentina’s best talents for ESPN