I promise you this is a serious story. Maccabi Haifa CEO Assaf Ben-Dov has apologized unreservedly to Tottenham Hotspur after a video emerged that depicted a Haifa player insulting Harry Kane. The two sides are set to meet in a Europa League playoff match tomorrow evening, with the winner qualifying for the group stages of the competition.
It seems Haifa player Abu Fani released a short video of himself on social media celebrating with his teammates after Haifa defeated FC Rostov in the Europa League third qualifying round, in which he says — please ask all small children to stop reading this blog and leave the room — “Harry Kane is on my cock.”
While some reasonable people may assume that Fani was referring a heretofore unknown and/or and possibly hypothetical incident involving Kane and Fani’s pet rooster, it was obviously not intended as such, and prompted the sincere and apologetic statement from the Haifa executive at their most recent press conference. It was, reportedly, said with a straight face.
“I do not usually attend press conference but this time I felt it necessary to speak up. Following the match in Rostov, Russia, one of our players [made an] inappropriate comment that does not respect Tottenham Hotspur player Harry Kane.
“Our club condemns such behaviour. We are a club that advocates the person before the player. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Tottenham and Harry Kane, who we greatly respect. We wish them a successful season, thank you very much.”
We could make plenty of #jokes about this incident, but to be honest the apology is so sincere and well intentioned that it would be gauche to make further dick jokes at the expense of either Kane or Fani at this time. It’s not that we’re NOT 12 year old children in charge of a major Tottenham Hotspur blog, it’s that as 12 year old children we’re still too busy giggling over Eric Dier’s butt, which is, frankly, way more amusing even 24 hours later.
We have no further comment at this time.