Tottenham to play Pacos de Ferreira or Larne FC in Europa Conference League playoffs

As much as it may be hard to believe that there’s other news happening in the world of football than Harry Kane being a knob, Tottenham Hotspur found out who they will be facing in the playoff round of the Europa Conference League this morning, and it’s either a trip to Portugal... or Northern Ireland.

Spurs will face the winner of the two-legged series between Pacos de Ferreira and Larne F.C. for a trip straight to the Europa Conference League group stages.

I have done no research on either of these teams. The only think I can tell you about either of them is that Pacos de Ferreira is the former club of erstwhile Tottenham managerial candidate (and now, true story, contender for the open position of Atlanta United) Paulo Fonseca. Larne finished fourth in the Northern Ireland Premiership last season, the team is known as “The Harbor Rats,” and the club has a crest that looks like Dorlington Town from the Recurrently Generated Football League.

I also know that Tottenham Hotspur should be able to roll out a group of reserve players and youth teamers and win this tie easily over two legs, whoever it happens to be.

Y’all, I’m already in love with the Europa Conference League. We’re gonna learn so much about tiny, random clubs based in small European towns. It’s gonna be great. I can’t wait!

The first leg takes place on August 19, and yes, that’s four days after Tottenham host Manchester City, and three days before they play at Wolves. Ahh fixture congestion, I’ve missed you.