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Tottenham 5-0 Everton: Spurs thump hapless Toffees

That’s a paddlin’.

Tottenham Hotspur v Everton - Premier League Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

Well, THAT’S what you call a response. Tottenham Hotspur hosted Everton on Monday night trying to kick-start their stuttering Premier League season. They sure did that! Spurs got a brace from Harry Kane to go along with an own goal on Everton’s Michael Keane, and goals from Son Heung-Min and Sergio Reguilon en route to a complete dismantling of the Toffees. The final score was 5-0.

That was fun! Let’s talk about it.


  • That match... wow. The weird thing is that it wasn’t so much that Spurs were really good, but that Everton were absolutely atrocious. And it could’ve been worse — Spurs had two decent penalty shouts waved off as well.
  • That ball in from Ryan Sessegnon deserved an assist. A shame it was Keane that got the goal and not Kane.
  • You know who had a hell of a match? Matt Doherty had a hell of a match. Got an assist and might have set up another if he had opted to lay the ball off to Kulusevski instead of trying to juke a guy out of his shoes. He was dribbling guys, putting in good passes, and crashing the box. I’ve given him tons of (deserved) crap but he was really good today.
  • Kulusevski also played well — two assists and was popping up in pockets of space all over the pitch. He just flat-out makes the offense run better.
  • If this is what Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg can do when he gets some rest, then he should never play two matches a week ever again. Strong match.
  • Spurs’ defense was pretty good against what was, at least on paper, a pretty formidable front two of Richarlison and Dominic Calvert-Lewin. That said, subbing off Romero was the right call considering he was on a yellow and was flying into tackles.
  • Everton under Rafa Benitez: 1.0 ppg. Everton under Lampard: 0.75 ppg. They are very much looking like a side that could go down, and they’d probably be the biggest club to be relegated since... maybe Leeds?
  • I have two good friends who are Everton supporters and I feel like I need to do a wellness check on both of them.
  • If I did my math correct, Harry Kane is now just 25 goals behind Jimmy Greaves on top of Tottenham’s all-time goals list. He won’t get there this season, but if he stays another year he’ll probably get it next season.
  • The win puts Spurs two points behind United with two matches in hand going into this weekend’s MASSIVE match at Old Trafford.