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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham news and links for Wednesday, April 13

There’s a rogue rubbish bin on the loose

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Tottenham Hotspur Women v Manchester City Women - Barclays FA Women’s Super League Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC/Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

Good morning and happy tuesday, hoddlers. Or it would be, if your hoddler-in-chief could locate his rubbish barrel.

Some time between the hours of 7:45 am and 2:00 pm it must have grown a pair of legs and walked away. But here’s the thing: the lid remained conspicuously on the street. A lid without a barrel. What cruel tragedy must befall inanimate objects on a gorgeous spring day?

It is - or was - a standard black, plastic rubbish barrel with a red handle, typically accompanied with a matching black lid.

And now it’s gone.

At 2:00 p.m. on Tuesday I walked outside my home to bring in the rubbish barrel. It was garbage day, so I placed the barrel on the curb.

But when I went to bring in the barrel, it was gone. In its place laid an orphaned lid, helplessly laying on its back like a capsized turtle. Sometimes a neighbour brings in the barrels, so at first I did not panic.

I rescued the lid from its pavement prison to reunite it with its barreled brethren, only to find said barrel missing.

Panic sinks in.

I looked under my porch, on the other side of the street, other parking lots and entrances, side entrances, driveways. The barrel was nowhere to be found.

It’s gone. The barrel is gone. And it isn’t as if it is some unmarked, nameless barrel. In large lettering the address of the barrel’s rightful owner is displayed on its belly.

Now, in my kitchen, sits a bin with a filled rubbish bag. I ask myself, “Where does this rubbish bag go? What do I do now?”

This morning, the answer was so clear.

If anyone finds a wayward rubbish barrel in Fairfield County, Connecticut, do please let me know.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Stupid Girl, by Garbage

And now for your links

The Athletic ($$): News of Doherty’s knee injury is very sad and grimly inevitable

How Antonio Conte’s softer side helped reinvigorate Spurs’ top-four fight

Boy whose phone Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly slapped down declines Old Trafford invitation

Manchester United reportedly agree to verbal contract with Erik ten Hag

Villareal’s Champions League run continues with win over Bayern Munich