The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham news and links for Thursday, September 22

good morning everyone. how is it not friday already? with any luck, it will be friday 24 hours from now.

Tottenham Hotspur’s women squad ended practice on Wednesday with a rousing game of dodgeball. Hey, that looks pretty fun!

I can’t quite figure out the geometry or the rules of the game but it looks fun. And the balls they throw aren’t that large, but a soft tennis-ball replacement is probably easier to get hit by than a football.

All this dodgeball talk has me thinking, why hasn’t Antonio Conte done this? I mean, he did have a boxing match during his time at Inter. Dodgeball isn’t nearly as deadly!

So I thought I’d build out my dodgeball team from the men’s squad. There are five per side right? Anyways, here are my picks:

Hugo Lloris: The man has a cannon for an arm! And he always has a strong command of Spurs’ back line. This is an obvious choice.

Fraser Forster: Yeah, of course I’m going to go with players who can throw the ball really far and really hard.

Brandon Austin: Going for all three keepers here, and why not? Yeah, he’s only 23 and he may not be fitting into his adult body quite like the others on the squad, but he still has to use his arm to throw the ball. Give me that, give me the accuracy. Three keepers is a strong way to build a squad for a game that relies on arm strength.

Lucas Moura: It’s insane the hops this guy has! And for someone who isn’t that very tall. A perfect player to get that added aerial advantage. Plus he is fast!

Oliver Skipp: Lucas takes up a lot of space, and attention. He can be quite flashy and, at times, run into a dead end. As much as I’d like to see him paired with Richarlison or Cristian Romero, I think that’d be too chaotic. So instead I’m going with the more understated Oliver Skipp, who can boss the midfield (we’re still waiting for him to take the pitch this season). The quiet assassin he is, I think he can easily pick off some opponents while Lucas occupies their attention.

You think you can build a dodgeball team to compete with good ol’ fitzie?

Track of the day: Sorted For E’s & Wizz, by Pulp

And now for your links:

The Athletic ($$) breaks down why the 3-5-2 is now a viable option for Antonio Conte

Alasdair Gold’s latest video on those Conte-Juventus rumours, the Spurs backroom staff and more

The Times ($$): British PM Liz Truss puts independent football regulator plans on hold

Premier League clubs agree on minimum-length bans for fans who participate in anti-social and criminal behaviour at football gounds

Charlie Adam announces retirement from football

Shakira opens up on her relationship with Gerard Pique during in an interview with Elle Magazine