Sometimes, but not often, you get a performance by your favorite sportsball team that is so good you just have a difficult time saying anything overly negative about it. Saturday’s 2-1 win by Tottenham Hotspur over Fulham was one of them. Oh sure, they conceded a late goal to Aleksandr Mitrovic that made the last 15 minutes pretty nervy and bum-squeaky, but on the whole, Spurs dominated. There wasn’t a single player who I can point to and say “that guy played poorly.” Those matches are rare, and fun!
So for today’s theme, I decided to use something that is also good and fun with no bad things at all — the James Webb Space Telescope. I’m sure most of you have seen the images that have come from the largest space-based telescope ever made by humanity, but on the off chance you haven’t, well here are some actual photos. The initial images from the JWST made me GASP when I saw them. Space is awesome. So is Tottenham Hotspur.
Here are your player ratings for Spurs’ 2-1 win over Fulham to the theme of James Webb Telescope images. Enjoy.
6 stars: Carina Nebula
This image is staggering. As much as I love Cuti Romero, how could even he compare?
5 stars: Deep field galaxies
What’s incredible is that this was basically a test image and it has already given scientists years worth of research on the age and composition of galaxies.
Harry Kane (Community - 4.0): That’s more like it. Scored. created two big chances, and was a threat throughout the match. His best match yet.
Ryan Sessegnon (Community - 4.0): I think without hyperbole this was his best match in a Tottenham shirt. Set up Kane’s goal and Richarlison’s which got called back, defensively solid and looked dangerous going forward. Had a shot saved, too. Outstanding.
Richarlison (Community - 4.5): The most dangerous player on the pitch on Saturday. Combined well with Hojbjerg for Spurs’ first goal and very unlucky not to have a goal of his own.
4.5 stars: A literal exoplanet
Those Infinity-stone colored blobs are actually photos of a REAL GOL-DANGED EXTRA-SOLAR PLANET HOLY CRAP
Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg (Community - 4.0): Wonderful stuff. Had plenty of time on the ball in midfield and so was able to more effectively progress it centrally. Took his goal well. A very good overall performance.
4 stars: Jupiter, with moons, rings and aurorae
Stunning. Did you know Jupiter had aurorae? I did not.
Son Heung-Min (Community - 3.5): Oh, Sonny. He did everything on Saturday BUT score. Even so, the confidence is coming back and he’s doing everything right. The ball will go into the net at some point and he’ll be off to the races.
Clement Lenglet (Community - 4.0): Calm and composed with the ball at his feet, and showed some lovely vision with his long passing out of the back. I was really impressed and want to see a lot more of him going forward.
Hugo Lloris (Community - 4.0): Made two outstanding saves on Mitrovic and looked great coming off his line. Couldn’t do a thing about Mitrovic’s actual goal. A much better performance, probably bolstered by the fact that Fulham did virtually nothing offensively.
Cuti Romero (Community - 3.5): Fantastic in the back line, both in terms of ball progression from deep and defensively... y’ know, until that one time.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community - 4.0): An impressive return after missing a match due to concussion protocol. Maybe a little loose with the ball at his feet but passed extremely well and really owned his area.
Antonio Conte (Community - 4.0): I’m not sure Antonio did anything especially different tactically, but credit to him for finally giving Lenglet a chance in defense.
3.5 stars: A piece of chorizo
Just kidding, it’s the Southern Ring Nebula.
Emerson Royal (Community - 3.5): Royal was outstanding defensively and in the counterpress on Saturday, very good progressing the ball forward, and eye-wateringly YIKES in the final third of the pitch. Overall — good match.
Eric Dier (Community - 3.5): Mitrovic is a load, and Dier did a pretty good job against him (though maybe could’ve closed him down a bit more after he rounded Cuti?) Missed a golden chance on a header early in the second half.
Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating
Ivan Perisic, Dejan Kulusevski
Erik Lamela Memorial Shithouse Award
Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg: I’m not sure what General Ho was trying to do with his shoe there, but it looked pretty shithousy.